BJ's Cloud

Happy New You!

2008-01-02T06:22:00.000-06:00

My mum and Aunty Sally at a rellie bash.

So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor. For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, God's building.

~1 Corinthians 1:7-9

Welcome 2008! It's a brand new year and that time of year where we start to make some decisions or changes or decisions to make changes! For some, it's a 'fresh start'. For others it's time to kick a bad habit, and for others, it just means tearing down the old calendar and putting up the new one. Either way, a new year always seems to bring change to the front of our minds.

What is it that we are changing? When I think about the new year, I think initially, I get motivated about the possibility of being somebody different. Different from the year before, hopefully a better and improved 'me'. I haven't sat down yet and written out a list of new years resolutions yet, probably because I've been motivated not to by not ever keeping ones from years past. But I don't think I'm going for too many drastic changes this year. Maybe write some more, study scripture a little better and get better at making some life changing decisions. That's not too drastic is it? No different from any other year.

I have a hard time though, wrapping my head around this question: Do I want to change this year because I know I need to do some things better, or because I am unhappy with certain parts of who I am? I know that last part sounds kind of depressing, but I think it's true in all of us isn't it? Doesn't the new year bring some excitement, not just to bring change, but a chance to be somebody else?

Dad and Uncle Brian trying to accentuate my lankiness.

Maybe I just have some deep seated psychological issues that I need to address, but I honestly think that most people enjoy placing themselves in the shoes of someone other than themselves. Fictional or factual. For instance, when we go to the movies, don't we sometimes leave the theatre thinking about things for the next hour like the main character? (Sometimes I walk out of a James Bond movie with a finger gun and hide behind walls....ok maybe not!) When we play competitive sports, aren't we motivated by professionals and sometimes take on their traits and mannerisms? Hasn't this new year made you think about someone else and inspired you to be more like them? Think about it.....it may scare you a little how much we don't like the way we are, or wish we were different.

But really, don't be scared. I don't think there is anything unhealthy associated with those thoughts unless you are getting seriously depressed by them. And if you are call someone you love RIGHT NOW! I do think however, that new years resolutions can become a little tacky when we set the bar too high. I think then we are really thinking about being someone we aren't. I guess the best way to judge this is to look at your track record...have you been good at making changes like that in the past? Have you been good at keeping up with those changes? Or are you gonna get let down?

From the relly bash. I haven't seen some in over 3 years!

BUT.....maybe you are just that motivated to make that big change, and this year is going to be your year and you have a plan! Awesome! Congratulations and best of luck. I like to think the same thing about myself this year (minus the plan part!). But I think that this year I am going to focus on bringing those changes and seeing them happen, or begin, as a part of who I am and who God has made me to be.

Thinking about being someone else won't ever give me any sense of accomplishment, I think. I don't like who I am sometimes and I often say things I don't mean, do things I shouldn't have. But if I don't find that grouchy dog and give him some good discipline then I'm just left with a mask on my face. (I hope everyone understands that metaphor)

Mum, Aunty Sally, Uncle Peter, Brian and Bruce (just missing Uncle Noel)

I was talking with a friend on new years day and he was commenting on how he didn't enjoy sobering up too much after a night of drinking. He said he'd rather just stay buzzed, and I asked the question "All year long?" He said that would be alright. Sometimes, I think people really just enjoy wearing the mask. Personally, I do sometimes as well. But I can say this: I would much prefer to never wear it and be content with who I am....grouchy dog and all.

For those of us who know Jesus, and even those who don't, I think that God has all given us something we are good at. And I don't just mean good I mean REALLY GOOD. Something that people would pay millions of dollars to have (that is not to say that everyone gets 7 figures for it). I believe that EVERYONE has been given that. What's yours? I'm still trying to figure out mine.

My second cousin Jaiden (my little nephew!)

One guy that has figured it out is Joel Osteen. For those of you that don't know, he is probably the most watched preacher in the world, with over 7 million people tuning in to watch every Sunday. His church is an old basketball arena that seats about 70K. A lot of people in Christian circles don't like him because they claim he doesn't talk about sin, or emphasize Jesus enough and just gives a feel good message. But, to his credit, he has figured out what he is good at: motivating people. And he knows it. He doesn't try to claim to do anything else. He knows there are more qualified people out there to teach scripture and theology (and there certainly are!). But even though he is 'light on the Gospel', do you think that maybe out of those 7 million every Sunday that at least one maybe meets Jesus for the first time? Maybe you'll end up discipling one of them some day. Like him or not, God is definately using him.

Lisa and Becca at Cable Beach, Broome

So I guess some more of my questions are, how is God using you? What has He given you that you are good at? What kind of person are you and are you OK with that? How is the mask treating you these days? Do you need to give that grouchy dog a whack on the nose? I know I do, but I'm working on being OK with that.

Me on my first day of surfing lessons....shocking I know!

What does it mean to be called by God?

2007-03-21T21:04:00.000-05:00

Some people say they hear voices. Others say they get the chills.

Some say they get recurring thoughts or dreams. Others say they get signs or co-incdences.

Some seek years and years in prayer and fellowship with believers and never "feel" the call of God. Others say they can "feel" His presence on a daily basis.

I'm in the belief that God works deeper than "feelings" or "co-incidences" but rather out of a relationship that we have with Him. So I guess my question should be "What is a relationship with God?" I can't explain that one. I don't even know where to start. All I can do is live it out. And try to do my best to figure out how to do that on a daily basis.

With that in mind, I'm trying to figure out if I'm getting called by God to go to Iraq. Maybe you can help me. But you'll have to read my story first. And I'll throw a couple of random pictures in just to try and confuse you :)

Me and my beautiful girlfriend Jill.

Even before I wanted to come to the US I was a die-hard basketball player. Australia doesn't have any inter - high school or university sports, but I was still training 7 days a week. "Basketball is life......the rest is just details" was my motto. However, at one of the high points of my young basketball career, at age 16, I was seriously considering giving it all up.

I was a young Christian at this point too and really didn't know what prayer was, but I decided I was going to pray about this decision. I told God I was done with basketball unless He were to give me an amazing oppurtunity to keep playing. I told Him that if that were to happen that I would do it for Him, that my basketball would be solely dedicated to glorifying his name and not my own.

About a year later I'm standing on the basketball court of Blue Valley North High School about to make an inbounds pass. There is 2500 in the stands, we are down by 1 to the 8th ranked team in the nation, with about 5 seconds left. I make the pass to Jerod and he takes it to the rack and lays it in. The crowd storms the court and there is pandemonium! We had one our first game of the season in my first basketball game in the US as an exchange student.

About a month later I realized that God had answered a prayer and that I hadn't made it to the US all by myself. You see my idea of playing basketball to glorify God was to get good enough to play in the NBA, get some popularity, and use that popularity to evangelize and spread His word.

The Fellows @ Camp Balcones Springs. You can check out our blog at LegacyFellows.com

Well for the next 4 years, with that idea in mind, my basketball experience took a downward slide. I would constantly doubt God's call to have me here in the US because of the situations I had got into with basketball. A couple of bad teams and mediocre coaches later, and I had almost totally given up on the idea of going anywhere with basketball, let alone the NBA. Why would God answer a prayer, give me an amazing oppurtunity to play, and then totally crush my desire for basketball? To show how big He is? Maybe.....

This January I went to the Passion conference, a huge conference with over 25,000 college age students in attendance with a desire to see God's word be spread amongst the nations. God did some amazing things there. He impacted my life in so many ways and through so worshipful experiences. He brought me out of a huge pit and gave me a passion for His word again. I would recommend attending an event like that if you ever get the chance.

One minor thing that happened while I was there was my "free time" visit to the missions booth. I randomly ran into a guy there that was apart of a program called Infinity Sports. We started a conversation and he was telling me about a basketball mission trip they were planning later in the year and if I was interested. I said it would be tough with my schedule and new job. I gave him my email and he handed me his business card. I told him to send me all the info he could about the trip.

Lane + Brooke + Mike + Brenton = Fellows Foursome.

Fast forward three months to last Sunday. I was sitting at Brookhaven Southern Baptist Church in Dallas with my girlfriend (I know I haven't posted about her yet....she is a phenomenal woman of God and I could probably dedicate the rest of this post to her, but hopefully the picture above will suffice.). The pastor started the service off by introducing a lady that his church had supported for many years on the mission field. She was about to take off on a trip to Iraq the next day to start a journey to get involved with the Kurdish community to hopefully plugged in over there. Her talk was very emotional and heartfelt. As she talked about these people she had to pause many times to fight back her tears over the grace that God had shown her throughout her life.

As she continued to speak, she mentioned that a little sports project had been laid in her lap and that God was calling her to organize sports teams to come to Iraq and spread the gospel. The blessing, she said, was that this was not initiated by her or her company, but by the Northern Iraqi government. They intentionally wanted missionaries to come over and teach basketball to the youth. How amazing is that!!! Well, it's about time to cue the lightning bolt...

As soon as she mentioned the sports project, I remembered that the guy I had met at Passion had written a name on the back of the business card he gave me. He told me that it was the director of their program, whose headquarters were in Dallas. He said I should try to get in contact with her since I wasn't going to be too far from there.

I found the card tucked away in my wallet. The name on the back of the card was Debbie Rouse. Her home church happenned to be Brookhaven. And at that moment, she was speaking to me about her heart for missions in Iraq. I couldn't believe it. Did I just get zapped? I turned to Jill and showed the card to her. She couldn't believe it either! What just happenned?

Me, Jill and Sweetie the bird @ Caldwell Zoo

For the rest of the service I couldn't think about much else except going to talk with this lady. Jill and I were able to join in a communal prayer for her before the end of the service, and I waited around to talk to her. I told her my story and what I had just witnessed. She too was pretty taken back. "That's totally from God!" she said, "You know you're coming right?" My first thought was "No.....I don't know that I'm coming!" But I can't deny that I was a little excited that in that moment, God was doing something in my life......whatever it was.

I realized that it was going to be near on impossible for me to go. Having a full time job and a schedule that is packed tighter than my suitcase on a trip back home, I kind of downplayed the whole idea that God was calling me to go to Iraq. If I were to maintain any loyalty to my promise to Sky Ranch, it literally and logistically would be impossible.

The Fellows with Wiggy and Quint after a grand camping trip at Camp Champions

I really have no idea where this story is going to end or what I should do next. In a sense it really feels like I've been zapped by a lightning bolt and am still dazed and dizzy from the after affects. But during our leadership seminar yesterday I stumbled over a piece of wise advice:

"Get yourself involved in tasks that are impossible to accomplish unless God shows up"

This trip is not impossible for Him. My will is to be totally obedient to His call.

Is this a call for me to go to Iraq this summer?

I have no idea. But I'm not going to let it go. I've got to keep seeking and searching. I need to try and find a balance between logic and loyalty, between the discriminate and the divine. Yet I have a feeling that the balance won't neccesarily be even.

Lane, Me and Mike on my birthday @ Outback Steakhouse.

If you read this message, all I would ask that you would pray for me as I discern where God has me going in this next couple of months. Who knows, you could watch with me as God makes the impossible possible. Or maybe you'll see God put an oppurtunity in front of me and not allow me to go. Either way I'm excited that God is up to something in my life, and something BIG.

I'm excited to see what happens next. Thanks so much for reading and I hope that you would help me lift this up in prayer.

One Frustrating Night

2007-02-22T21:26:00.000-06:00

So I've been slack again in posting....so much is happenned, but too much to write about. This is going to be a pretty random post.

So let me reflect about one of the most frustrating nights I've had in a long time.

We had just finished a great week in Oklahoma, doing some marketing for Sky Ranch's camp site in Quapaw called Cave Springs. You could hardly call it marketing though. We were able to meet with some amazing youth pastors and deacons and just talk to them about their ministry and ask how we could help them out. By far the most gratifying and God glorifying marketing I think I could get involved in.

Craziness starts:

We started our 5 hour drive back to Texas at 8pm on a Thursday, because we all had stuff to do that weekend and wanted to get some sleep on Friday. I offered to take the first leg of driving since I hadn't done a lot that week, and was actually looking forward to getting some miles in with the van. Probably should have opted to sleep....

We started out by going to the world's largest McDonalds. Don't ask me why it is in the middle of OK on a turnpike....but it intruiged us so we went. We got friendly with the servers there and got into a bit of a conversation with them. They found out I was Australian, and like many, made several jokes about our humble little island.....you know, the usual: kangaroos, crocodiles, Steve Irwin. I never get upset or angry at these. They come so regularly, its now become kind of a challenge to anticipate which joke will come next after they get started.

For some reason that night, however, I was a little disturbed by it. Maybe its because they just started on the jokes before they even introduced themselves. Once again, this never really bothers me, but for some reason it stuck with me a little long, so I made a little effort to stall at the counter and get to know them better. I came to find out that the man that was serving me was gay, which again was no problem to me. But again, it started to really disturb me once he made a couple of borderline comments about Priscilla Queen of the Desert (an Aussie movie), and didgeridoos that made me feel like he was flirting. When we left a lady that worked at McDonald's chased us down and asked me for my phone number, which at first I laughed at (for many reasons), but it later just fuelled the distrubance that was going on in me.

As we started driving off, I just kept reflecting upon what happenned at our "little" stay at the world's largest McDonalds. This only turned my little disturbance into a lot of hatred. I can honestly say that my hatred wasn't directed in any one area; my whole emotional state just felt exactly what it feels like when you hate something. And I couldn't pin-point it at all. It got so frustrating that in a brief moment, I felt the sudden urge to have someone to pray for me. But because everyone in the van was having a fun time and joking with each other and because my heart was stirring so far in the opposite direction....i let the prayer request pass.

What happenned next can be summed up in 4 succinct statements

Got a speeding ticket - 73 in a 55

Had the headlights automatically turn off while going 65mph on a pitch black highway

Ran out of gas (At 12:30 am. Had to wait an hour for a wrecker to come. He wasn't happy)

Got home at 4am and smashed a glass candle warmer on the floor. Woke 4 people up.

Was I getting punished by God? Of course not........but it definately felt like it, at least for a brief moment. It was one of those nights where I felt incredibly like Bruce Almighty just after he drove his car into the light post at the beginning of the movie. Maybe God was trying to tell me something, but I have no idea what it was. Maybe it was just a spiritual attack, and I was caught off guard. Maybe it will just make a good story one day. Who knows. Im still baffled by that night.

But one really cool thing happenned today that God must be given ALL the glory for. I called the police department in Oklahoma to inquire about paying for the speeding ticket to get it taken off my record. I'd had a pretty hectic/stressful day up to that point and the last thing I wanted to do was get depressed about how much this ticket was going to cost to get taken off my record. I talked to an older lady whom after I inquired about the ticket asked me in a pretty gruff voice:

"How fast were you going?"

Reluctantly I told her. I asked her what my options were for taking a defensive driving course on the off chance that her gruff voice was just a mask for a heart of gold. How right I was!

"Well normally you would have to see a judge, but you've caught me in a good mood. Just sign the ticket, send in the check, and I'll ammend it for you."

PRAISE GOD!!!! I didn't know such ladies existed in a police department. I kind of feel like driving up to Oklahoma just to give her a hug! She totally made my day and made me forget about the intense morning....

Isn't it great how God works? I've been reading in Philippians how Paul, when in jail, would say stuff like: "but I know that through your prayers and help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happenned to me will turn out for my deliverance" (1:19). I wonder how a guy could remain that positive in jail. Then I realize after experiences like this, he probably wasn't. He was probably mad and frustrated just like me; but he knew, above all those emotional arrows, that God was soveriegn. That He had a plan. Even for a guy in a cell. Even for a guy who had a bad night. That's why He's my Savior.

God Bless America

2007-02-01T02:19:00.000-06:00

Yes....Mike is wearing postcards of Native Aussie animals taped to his shirt, to celebrate Australia Day

One thing I forgot to mention in my last blog was one of the coolest things I experienced since being here in the U.S. As many of my fellow compatriots know, January 26th is Australia Day. It is a day where many Aussies come together to celebrate the discovery of our country by our English forefathers. For Americans, it is a day that closely resembles the celebrations of 4th of July. However, on January 26th, 2007 it was definitely Australia Day at Sky Ranch.

In my 5 year stay here in the US I have done several different things on Australia Day. One year at college I made some sausage rolls and put some vegemite on toast and held an Australia Day party in the lobby of our dorm building. I hired out “Gallipoli” from blockbuster and taught some of the students how to handball a footy. It was great for me to re-live a lot of the Australian culture I had missed over the years. But this didn’t even compare to the experience I had this year, last week.

Brooke Fellows........good on ya!

I had sent out an all staff email a couple of days before informing everyone at work about the day, to which I received some really nice replies with funny jokes about kangaroos and vegemite that I had NEVER heard before! (hehehe just kidding). But I did have many questions about the day and what it was about, and most people seemed fairly interested.

I started formulating ideas in my head about what I should do to celebrate the day. I had worked out that I had enough Aussie apparel that I could get away with being a fair dinkum Aussie without owning an Australian flag. (Lucky my room mate Mike had loaned me a Boxing Kangaroo flag that his Dad had got from Perth many years ago!). With my new iPod, I figured I could walk around all day playing some Men at Work, Australian Crawl and Cold Chisel on my little speaker setup. But I was not prepared for what was to come.

Our leadership director, Dave Schlener had sent me an email saying:
“If you have any guts at all……..I mean AT ALL!!......and have any….repeat ANY…..patriotism…....and the slightest…………repeat SLIGHTEST………leadership potential………..you will somehow get Mike and Todd to sing something outrageously Australian over the Sky Ranch pager”

So in fear my credibility….and employment, I went and talked to Todd about the idea. It was him that came up with the CRAZY idea that I should lead the All Staff meeting in a rousing version of the Australian National Anthem….

……to a bunch of Americans that probably don’t know ‘Land Down Under’?? Are you FOR REAL?? Still, it was a great challenge.

Notice Dave with the Aussie lingo tea-towel taped to his chest.

It really didn’t hit me until about 2 minutes before the Legacy Fellows were introduced to the staff that what I was about to do could probably be considered unpatriotic on the part of my unknowing American buddies. As I got them to stand, I tried to console them in the fact that if they just stood there awkwardly and pretended to sing that they would be like any other Aussie singing our anthem.

I had a music track that I was going to play in the background to help the process along, but due to technical difficulties, it failed to play. So now I was leading a group of Americans in a foreign anthem to which they had no music, nor any idea of a melody line.

Thoughts running through my head at this moment:
Wow Brenton, you might have a career in communist brainwashing.
What are these people ever going to think of Australians after this?
Maybe you should just stop and put on that great ‘fake’ American accent you’ve been working on, and reveal that you were born in South Dakota and have just been fooling people for 5 years!
What happened next I will probably never forget…..
Around 50 Americans from many different backgrounds, some Hispanic, all doing their best to belt out an anthem they had never heard, from a country they had probably never visited, just to make an Aussie feel welcome and proud of his country on it’s special day.

It was quite an amazing site

I can’t speak enough to how this is the heart of the people I work with. Ever since I have been here they have done nothing but make me feel a part of the Sky Ranch family. But it speaks to so much more than that…

Yeah....I'm not much of a conductor, but they sure did Australia proud

I’ve just come back to Texas from a road trip to Oklahoma, and had some time to reflect on my experience in the US up to this point. I’ve been an exchange student, a college athlete and graduate, a youth pastor, substitute teacher, Legacy Fellow among many other jobs and positions. I have been given opportunities to travel and interact with some of the most recognized, and impoverished people in the world. Yet being in America has provided me so much more than that…

At every point in my journey I have been met with heart-filled, hospitable and loving people. People, I have been blessed to consider a part of my family. The relationships I have made, and continue to make, are ones that I will not only hold in my heart forever, but will also change and mold me for the rest of my life. Yet there is still something greater at work here…

Everyone knows that the United States of America has copped a lot of flack (criticism) over the years for being many things…….(you fill the blank with the negative). But I think what a lot of the world doesn’t realize, is that the real America is not governmental structure, nor the capitalistic giant, nor the military superpower…..it is the people.

For so long, so many have stereotyped “Yanks” (as we would call them in Australia), as being arrogant, over-confident, know-it-alls; such a label however cannot be fitting to any corporate body. Many outsiders fail to experience the compassion of the American individual, and the culture which fosters such loyalty and respect.

Just as an example, this week I got to travel with a guy named Jim Franks. Jim is a HUGE Oklahoma University fan (physical size is irrelevant here J). He’s had to deal with a lot of jokes and puns from me the last couple of days because of his OBSESSION with Norman, OK…..home of the Sooners (their mascot, which I’ve been told I’m not allowed to say what that means because it’s somewhat offensive to the fans!?! Work that one out!). We’ve had to stop at 3 different stores at 3 different times to pick up Oklahoma Sooner apparel….once at a Sonic restaurant so he could order a “Sooner Slammer”.

Jimbo in front of his beloved Owen Field

But even after all the jokes, you have to admire a guy like Jim, and people like my roommate Mike, who is a DIE HARD “Farting” Texas Aggie Fan (If you say ‘farting’ with an Aussie accent in East Texas, they totally think you’re saying ‘fighting’!!!). Not just for their loyalty and dedication to their school, but what they stand for. They represent a deep tradition, not one rooted in conformist old-fashioned rules and rituals, but a tradition that grows and changes with each generation: The American Tradition.

Mike and I at ground level (Owen field)

Many will say that the culture and progeny of the American tradition is on a downward spiral with huge corporate companies like MTV holding the reigns. I disagree. Too many times I have seen God’s hand work through incredible individuals. I have seen the face of Christ in many American friends, colleagues and total strangers. It is so evident that God has had His hand in the tradition and culture of this country, molding it and shaping it as time progresses. Everyday, through the people I work with and the people I meet, I am confirmed and assured of this.

Yes this is a Toby Keith Resturant......yes, I had to put up with country music.......yes this could only happen in Oklahoma!

America is a great country; full of opportunity, diversity and experience. You can’t read it in a magazine or periodical, you can’t witness it from a second hand experience or foreign country. You have to get amongst the people and know them. Build a relationship with them, or in many cases, be willing to receive the instant compassion and loyalty that comes from a long standing and active tradition of Godly men and women.

I am proud to be an Australian. But I am just as proud and blessed to have experienced the American culture. To stand in a room and hear an awkward group of folks sing out your anthem on your country’s day not only shows respect on their part, but shows confidence in what they stand for.

God Bless America

Passion '07 Reflection

2007-01-28T21:09:00.000-06:00

The Arena

So I went to this conference over New Years called Passion '07. It was in Atlanta.....24,000 college students......worshipping and praising God for 4 days straight....enough said. I haven't really written much about it, and I don't intend too, but there were so many amazing things that God did over those four days that I'd like to write down a couple of moments when He really 'got to me'.....

One of my favorite worship artists is Chris Tomlin. I'm not such a big fan of his image, but his music is very inspiring and uplifting. In the months leading up to this conference, I had been going through a spiritual dead zone. To make a long story short.....I overloaded myself. I was doing ministry, teaching, studying and working all at once...and it was too much. So the thought of going to a huge conference with some amazing worship leaders was almost getting me excited.
I was comforted by a story during this time of a man that was asked by God to carry one rock up a hill, which upon his way picks up other people's rocks in order to help them and minister to them. Half way up the hill he is too tired and gives up and blames God for giving Him a load that he couldn't carry. God gently reminds him that all He asked him to do was carry that one rock.

I was carrying an overseas backpack full of rocks to Passion. I couldn't wait for that 'moment' in the conference where God would show up, and my load would be lightened. I had struggled 4 months of just being totally emotionless and void of passion. For ministry, for my relationship with God, and for life in general I had simply lost interest. You been there before? If you have, you know how much it sucks.

This was a bilboard that everyone had signed the year previous.

On the second night, Tomlin was leading worship. Our group had managed to get seats two rows from the front of the stage. The stadium was packed. We'd just heard a "killer" sermon from Beth-Moore on humility, and the crowd it seemed was in a state of total repentant worship. Everyone was on their feet, hands lifted high, and it was as if you could see God's spirit moving through the masses.

I was sitting down. My arm's crossed. Totally emotionless.....

I love that line in the Goo Goo Dolls song that says "And you can't fight the tears that aint coming". That was me......I was fighting for a tear....any sign of feeling.....but I got nothing.

This was supposed to be my moment. My favorite worship artist.....great speaker.....20.000 people to help me along.....but nothing. Had God just forgot about me? It sure had felt like it the last couple of months. It was almost like I'd lost the Holy Spirit.

You been there before? If you have, you know how much it SUCKS!

So after walking away from that night event and off to our community group, I was feeling my usual "God I'm angry with you, but I'm not, because my heart doesn't respond to my head any more, and I've lost every blood pumping vessel in my body!" self.

Then He REALLY got to me.

My head finally found a route to my heart. It had finally deciphered the labyrinth and reconnected the blood vessels. I had reasoned that if I was EVER going my moment with God and I was to set up the perfect conditions for it to happen, I probably would have put my self in front of Chris Tomlin with a whole bunch of people to worship with.........so why didn't it work?

Because I needed to see that my relationship with God has nothing to do with how I feel about Him.

God is so much bigger than a huge worship service.

He would keep me emotionless if it only meant my heart would turn further toward Him.....even if it is numb.

After 4 months of being emotionless......He wanted to show me He still loved me.......

.....even while I was emotionless.

My response? Total emotionlessness.......but knowing that was OK.
__________________________________________________________

This week at the Ranch has been pretty exciting. We got to meet Joey Seeber, the Mayor of Tyler, TX on Wednesday and spend half a day with him. We were guests of honor at Tyler's City Council meeting and got to grill Joey for about 2 hours. It was just an awesome oppurtunity to talk to a guy that had made it and has a love for the Lord. We got to learn so much just from him telling his stories and just gained a lot of life experience from him telling his mistakes. (great English there)

I also got to meet with the college group i travelled with to the Passion conference, this weekend. It was amazing to share that experience with them, but even cooler to get to hang out with them and talk with them on a regular basis. On our way back, we all got convicted to start memorizing chapters of the bible on a regular basis. This weekend we just got done with Colossians 3, and now we're moving to James 1. It's been amazing to dedicate ourselves to memorize a whole chapter and just incredible to see how much God uses that in our lives.

This was the group that I travelled with to Passion

This week I will be travelling to Oklahoma City to go to the Gear Up Conference. They are the company under which we went to West Virginia with and did the iLead conference. It should be interesting to see what it's all about since we know nothing of what we'll be doing this week. But I'm excited......

......so happy to have some emotion back!

The first week......wait, have two weeks past?

2007-01-19T23:07:00.000-06:00

Let the message that comes from Christ, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom He gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.

- Colossians 3:16

Wow! What a start. I'm starting out this blog not wanting to write out everything that has happenned because it would take me a good couple of nights to write it all out, so I'll try and keep it short (HA!!!). I guess I could just say God is good and it would pretty much cover it, but I'll keep writing.

Let me start by saying, the more I get involved in this job, the more I wonder if I was the right person. I say that not just because I secretly doubt my own abilities (while putting on the "I know what I'm doing" face), but also because I am just gob smacked at the amount of oppurtunities that have been thrown our way.

The iLead conference. This was all the students and leaders.

Last weekend the Outdoor Education crew and the Legacy Fellowship (The Fellows, as we are now fondly known as), went to West Virginia on a trip to lead an iLead conference. It was set up by the West Virginian Education board for us to come in and help prepare identified 8th grade leaders to prepare for college. There's a really cool picture of us on the website at http://skyranchschools.com/i-LEAD.htm.

This was my team...the Maroon team.

"Maroon Maroon Maroon. OI, OI, OI!!!!"

This trip was a huge challenge for me personally and spiritually. I was going on a trip to a new state with a bunch of people I had only met a week ago, and I have to admit the idea of getting thrown into a team leader position straight off the bat was daunting. I was definately stripped of a lot of pride on this trip, learned what it meant to be humble, and how acting like a big fool is sometimes the quickest way to get to know someone!

Zack was our flag bearer....and the best iLead Idol singer there.....regardless of the judges' decision!

Spiritually, it was a trip that stretched me. We were basically invited to hang out with a lot of kids that don't know God, or that have probably never pondered the concept of who God is, and were told that we were not to mention His name to them at all. We were only there to help lead them to college, even though our hearts wanted to lead them to Christ. I went through the whole thought process of disagreeing with the program; thinking that it musn't be Christ centered. I ended up judging a whole bunch of people based on the fact our purpose was to only teach about college, while claiming to be Christians that are supposed to 'make disciples of all nations'.

Nathan and Zack.....or the other way around ;)

Well.....just reminded me again of how imperfect I am. I was so overwhelmed by the heart of everyone I worked with. They are all so silently committed and focused on sharing their faith without making a big deal of it. It was so humbling to me: that wanted to declare loudly my love for Christ to these kids and make a name for myself, while watching the other team leaders still themselves and diligently pour out God's love onto these students.

It was also fun to stay up till 3am with them, playing "Potty on your Neighbour", and dealing out silly consequences like singing to two lonely guys in the hotel bar, with an audience of heckling co-workers. I got to know the outdoor education team so much better on this trip, as well as grow in spiritual maturity.

Lane Davis, Brooke Barbie, Mike Maguire and me. Our lasts names have all changed to "Fellows"

Now I want to talk about some incredible people. The three other people I will be working with for the entire year, as part of the Legacy Fellowship program are none other than Mike Maguire, Lane Davis and Brooke Barbie. You may not have heard of them, but you will one day. They'll probably be discipling your kids or being your boss or something like that. They are three of the most God-fearing, creative, compassionate and dedicated people I have met, and I get to work with them for a whole year!! I'm rooming with Mike and Lane, with Brooke across the hall. We've only been working together for a week and we miss the times that we are apart. I am excited when I think about them and the possibilities of us doing incredible things this year.

Jill and Clinton Pfalser.....A.K.A. Mama and Pappa Fellows

Our AMAZING leaders, Clinton and Jill Pfalser have been friends of mine for a while, but I am just so flabergasted at their willingness to invest so much in us. They are taking so much time out of their lives to feed us with oppurtunities, resources and the occaisional steaks on a Wednesday night. I have been so blessed to have them in my life, but am just so excited to see them lead us forward in this program.

The whole group with Dave Schlener and family

We are also being lead by a guy named Dave Schlener, who is a leadership guru from West Point and an international pilot with American Airlines. I cannot express how just his presence in the room brings excitement with a sense of peace. This guy is so knowledgable, yet so compassionate. So focused and determined that we are the four most important people in his life (other than his family). He is so biblical in his approach to everything it's impressive and enlightening at the same time. He has set up trips for us to take leadership seminars at West Point, as well as spend face time with American Airline system directors, university presidents, pastors, school superintendants, mayors even U.S. Congressmen in Washington D.C.!!! Not only will we meet them, but they will run us through their job for a day: let us sit in board meetings, help influence major decisions they make on a daily basis. What an incredible oppurtunities, and what a fantastic mentor to be led by. Oh did I mention we are going to Kenya for a month in August? Short side note.....

Brooke and Mike

I could go on and on about the rest of the stuff that I'm doing, but I could probably put anyone to sleep with more descriptions. So just for a break in the madness, here's some good Texas slang for those who don't know.
Make sure you read them with a strong East Texas, hick, country accent. I just learned these today. Courtesy of my roomie, Lane Davis:

"It's hotter than two mice making love in a wool sock on a hot day, Y'all"

Well, it's kinda been cold this week, so here's some good ones:

"It's colder than a witch's titty in a brass bra doing pushups in the snow!"
"It's colder than a plumber's butt wearing iron underwear!"

The guy on the right is responsible for the quotes....did I mention he wears turquoise boots?

Sorry if they sound mildly vulgar, but when Lane says them with that cowboy accent, you can hardly tell what he's saying anyway!

God is so good. We read through Genesis 1 this morning with the OE teachers, and just discussed the marvels of the Bibles first chapter. Mike brought up the point that God created humans last in the order of things, which he said, is not only humbling but also puts a lot of responsibility on our shoulders. It reveals so much of God's heart that He puts the last first, the runt of the litter as the leader, and believes that anyone can achieve anything.

I have struggled this week between balancing humility with confident leadership. I have struggled with boldly displaying my personality while remaining still enough to meet others where they are at. I have struggled with the fact that I am not good enough for this job, but that God thinks I am.

Who am I to be formed by a Creator that allows me to experience doubt and guilt and shame and humility and unworthiness, yet be loved in a way that tells me to feel loved and not oppressed. Who am I to dwell on my own faults while a Savior allows me to move mountains with my own hands.

I can't express the wonderment and awe that I feel right now at the amazing, intracate details of God's plan. That He had a well ordered, focused and diligent plan in the creation of the heavens and the earth, but that also has the same dedication in his plan for my life.

I love where I am right now..........so far from perfect.....yet so close to finding out who I am....knowing that I will always be searching for him (me).......and Him.

~Bless this week Lord....I love you with all my heart.....in good and bad times.....please be with my family, I have no idea where they are or what's going on with them. Allow me the privelidge of talking with them this week. I miss them terribly. Bless our Fellowship and my friends around the world. Thank you for Your Son and what He's done for all of them. I love you Lord.~

ReNewed Life!

2007-01-08T19:55:00.000-06:00

So put on your new nature and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him

- Colossians 3:10

So what an incredible start to the year it has been. I am so excited to be blogging again I am literally shaking! If you have missed me, I apologize, but I plan to be more consistent this year (one of the resolutions!).

This incredible year started with the Passion Conference; a four day Christian conference for 18-25 year olds. It was held in Atlanta and more the 24,000 students attended, rasing over $2.5 million for God's kingdom worldwide. I could literally write a book on how great the conference was, and all the stories. But my conference is best summed up in the verse above. After going through a spiritually dry spell for so long, God has been so faithful in renewing my passion for serving Him. Giving four days to seek out God was what I needed to start the year, and He has provided that so mercifully.

I was able to attend the conference with an amazing group of people. I went with the college group from Brookhaven Church in Dallas, and made some friends I will probably keep for life. With them, I was able to witness a life changing transformation in the lives of this group and mine, as God just decided to grab us by the hand, walk beside us and gently say "I'm here". Our reaction has been that over an over-excited toddler, just happy to be walking with their daddy.

I would talk more about the conference and this amazing group of people, but I want to get on to other things, like my NEW JOB!

I am officially excited to be working at Sky Ranch !!!!!(Granted, it has only been one day!) It has taken me a long time to mourn leaving Kansas and all the great people there and I am just so thankful that God has been faithful. A friend of mine said that it has taken this long to get excited because I knew what I was leaving, not knowing what I was gaining; very true. But today, I believe God has confirmed for me that I am in the right place, and for a lot of reasons.

My day started off with a meeting with Chris Witt, the executive of Sky Ranch in Van, TX. For those who don't know a lot about Sky Ranch, I learned today that it is in the top 5% of camp in the US and has grown immensly in the last 5 years. It sits on a huge piece of property (I would say 2000 acres, but I could be underestimating) which facilitates a "summer camp, outdoor education and adventure school, blobs, zip lines, horses, paintball, jet skis, super slides and much much more!" Chris told me that my position as part of the Fellowship Legacy team serves to benefit the camp and God's kingdom.

He described that my position would be like a bench player for leadership positions at the camp. I know the idea of a "bench player" doesn't sound so great, but for me I think it's just what I need. This job will allow me to be in a position where I can learn from so many, while being thrown into the mix of things at the same time. I will be involved with the Outdoor Education and Adventure program for most of my time here, serving as a teacher. But it goes far beyond that. Here is the job desciption:

The primary responsibility of the Legacy Fellowship Program is to spend (1) full-year living, learning and experiencing leadership, excellence, character, and service in a Christian Summer Camp setting through the training and supervision of the Sky Ranch full-time staff. The secondary responsibility of the Legacy Fellowship is to equip individuals for effectively applying Biblical Leadership principles to significant ministry opportunities. All Fellows will reside during that time in the Gove Leadership Lodge and will have the opportunity to work hands-on in teaching, program development, youth ministry and service, while being taken through an extensive Leadership training course lead by Sky Ranch staff. The Legacy Fellowship will experience times of direct concentration in one area or multiple areas as leadership training and Sky Ranch programs dictate. Each experience involves assisting Sky Ranch Camp with investing in the lives of youth ages five to twenty-three with the Sky Ranch Life Map. This program will incorporate at times responsibilities within marketing, sales, counselor recruiting and other areas as needed.

On the 12th the Outdoor teachers are running a camp in West Virginia at the Hyatt Hilton, for the weekend (it's in Morgantown or something like that). The weekend is called iLead, playing off the iPod phenomena, and aims to teach 8th graders how to prepare for college. While there, I will be teaching a class on how to prepare financially for college. I know some of you might be falling off your chair thinking I will be teaching elite 8th graders how to save for college. But its ok....I was given a script! But what's even funnier was the first line of my script! This is what it says:

"The United States of America is the greatest country in the world"

I laughed my head off when I read it, infront of the people I was working with. I'm so glad they appreciated the humor, with me being Australian and all. The script goes on to talk about how great America's public school and university system, and how it is so readily available and affordable to just about any American. This is true........but it was just an ironic introduction for a foriegn teacher!

Oh....I told you the camp was called iLead, because of the whole iPod thing. Well, it turns out that we will be using iPods to help run the camp, and since we would all be teachers at the conference, Sky Ranch thought it would be necessary for us to all own one.

So try to imagine the suprise on my face when I walk in to the OE (Outdoor Ed.) department for the first time, on my first day, after meeting everyone for the first time, and getting a little gift bag shoved in my hand, only to open it up and find a 30GB iPod Video in there!!!!!! I slept in half an hour, neglected my prayer time and still walk into a blessing like that......God is GOOD! Not only that, but it came with a case that has a speaker attached. Plus the gift bag has a bunch of candy in it which i was really excited about. Every OE teacher got one, and yes.....we get to keep them!

So here is me with my iPod, incase you didn't believe me....also the most materialistic picture I've ever taken.

Candid assumptions I pondered after receiving gift:

I bet every day will be like this!
I bet I'll be scrubbing toilets next week!

But enough about that.....that wasn't even the beginning to amazing day I had. Directly after the iPod party, I went and met a whole lot more people, practiced for a skit for the WV thing, and took care of some paperwork and other housekeeping stuff.

One of the things I did today was buy some insurace for my new car! And yes, that was a gift too! Pat and Mary Beth Kelley's son Darren blessed me with a 1992 Mercury Grand Marquis, this weekend while I was in Dallas. It's an old ship, but she's a good one. Here's a picture:

Suggested names for the car: The Blue Mothership, The Skyboat, The Blue Voyager....any suggestions?

I saw 2 beavers for the first time on the camp site today.....I wonder if this was one of them.

So God has just blessed me abundantly as I start this new job and new journey at Sky Ranch. I will be involved with so many new faces, places and oppurtunities. I can see how almost everything that has happenned in the last 4 months has been to equip me for this next year (thank you Connie!!!). And that God is faithfull, mercifull and always present. Whether you are excited or drained, have the spiritual low or high, get the tingling feeling in the arm or are numb to all feeling, He is there, in more ways than one.....just wait on Him and be obedient. He will show.

I am praying for you Kent.

I hope you can all keep in contact with me this way and catch up on how I am doing. I plan to be on here at least once a week, if not more. Please leave your comments and your emails....I am going to make a conscious effort to keep in touch. I miss most of you, excited to work with some of you and can't wait to see the rest of you again.

How to shave a beard?

2006-09-27T21:46:00.000-05:00

Ok....so i got a crazy story for ya..

I shaved another guy's beard!

What? I know when a lot of people see me, they question whether or not I can shave my own beard properly (I have been known to look like a borderline terrorist)....so who on earth would let me shave their beard?

Well, i was sitting with one of the guys that is a regular at our food pantry ministry and noticed that when he sipped his lemonade, it had to filter through his moustache to get to his mouth. Not only had his mo grown over his mouth, but his beard was almost long enough to get caught in the zipper of his jacket.

Now i know this guy pretty well, and felt like i was at liberty to ask him when the last time it was that he had shaved. He didn't give me a time reference, but he said the last time he lost his job was when he had enough money to afford a shave, so that was it.

I think it was just out shock that i just kinda blurted out...
"AFFORD?!?, Where do you go to get a shave?"

He told me that he went to a barber once and it cost him $19 to get his beard shaved, and that he didn't have enough money to go get it done again.
So that pre-empted another flabergasted, shocked statement that wasn't thought out, or through, not thinking of the consequences.....you get the idea..

"Dude, i'll do it for ya for free!"

Almost immediately after I said it, I regreted it....becuase i just realized what I had asked...probably one of the most awkward offers that i have ever given in my life.

There was still hope that he would knock me back given the wierdness of what I had just said, but with a big, delighted grin on his face......i knew what was coming.

"No you wouldn't!?!"

I sure would. One week later I cut, buzzed and shaved my way through this poor guy's beard in about an hour (with only a couple of razor cuts.....eeek!). He was so happy he could hardly keep the smile off his face, and he hadn't even looked in a mirror yet. My back was killing me from leaning over for that long, but i couldn't help but share in the joy he had on his face.

I don't tell this story to try and point out the good deeds that I unassumingly throw myself into, I wanted to tell it because i believe that there are some basic BASIC needs that some people have in our communities that all of us (including myself), continue to look over because of it makes us feel uncomfortable. Some people just need someone to talk to and someone to listen to them without feeling uncomfortable.

This guy was physically and mentally disabled and probably couldn't hold a razor straight if he tried (I'm not that much better, i soon figured out!). It seemed like he also didn't have the means to get his beard shaved and probably wouldn't be game enough to ask anyone to do it for him. It was a step out of my comfort zone (and probably a step out of his too!), but he really does look like a new man. I wish I had before and after pictures.

~Lord, I don't know where you intend to use me or send me or keep me, but I pray that you would reveal part of Your plan to me. At least enough to know what I should be doing now. Keep my heart searching and questioning, but not over the things of this world. May it be restless over You. Allow me to keep that focus, for your purpose. Amen~

2006-09-17T23:44:00.000-05:00

So today I enjoyed the last of my free time that I think I'm going to have for a while...

But it was some good free time! As you can see, i decided to be real geeky and take a picture of my new planner. It's a pretty beefy thing, but it's one of those organizers that has everything in it (including a spaces for 7 CDs!!). OK, i'll quit being a dork I guess. I got to enjoy some time in worship (me and my guitar), messing around with that photo and talking to a good friend from Dallas. Oh man I miss that city!

But I've noticed that, that city has been quite a source of worry for me lately. Don't get me wrong...I LOVE Dallas, but I worry because it's a place that I hopefully see in my future. And anytime I start thinking about the future.....I worry.

Do you ever have that problem? I think for the last couple weeks I've been living in the future. I've been fretting about where I should go next, stressing about what I'm going to do for a living and hyperventilating about how much money that will make me!

Don't live in the future....it's a scarey place.

I started planning out all my stuff that i'll be doing for the next week and writing it down in my new planner and it's pretty exciting (return to dork phase). I'll be organizing and planning some youth events this week, as well as studying for a financial class and tommorrow I'll be starting Vineyard Leadership Intstitute (ministry training for our denomination). VLI will be just like going back to college because it's about 20 hours a week worth of study and reading! Today I'll also be working on Christmas plans, food pantry and organizing my work schedule.

Enthralling stuff I know........I agree with you, it all sounds pretty boring. But it's so much better than worrying about the big picture. It's almost a blessing to have so much to do and to focus on now, so I can stop worrying about what's going to happen later. I know God's got a plan.....can't I be happy enough with that?

I kept a good verse with me this week:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all that you do and He will direct your paths. - Proverbs 3:5-6

Thats a pretty good promise for me. I just hope I can keep my heart in good shape. I know it's going to be hard with a discouraging job and a little bit of free time. But I'm so blessed to have a Saviour that cares about me and my well being. I know that whatever the fall He will lift me up.

But when and where is all in the future...

Right now I've got to get some sleep......goodnight!

So Long Sweet Summer...

2006-09-09T14:42:00.000-05:00

Well....summer is officially over. And life has officially begun.

Yeahp. You know that time in your life when you're actually done with college, are out on your own, and can make your own schedule and do what you like?

Sounds great huh?

Well for someone like me that is used to doing something 24/7 and usually has a plan for the next step in my life, I've found myself at the end of the suburban street, and at the beginning of the gravel road. In other words, i have no idea where I'm going, or what I should be doing, or what direction I should take.

It's so hard to keep a future perspective when I'm not content with where I'm at. Don't get me wrong, I love the people I'm staying with. They have been so helpful and giving to me. The Gilberts are an amazing family and such a great reminder to me that God is willing to take care of me wherever I go.

But I've got to gripe about my job for just a little bit! Maybe it's just because I'm coming off a three day stint where i've been working from 10am-7pm....but I'm almost positive I can't stand my job. I work for the school catering business Aramark, and most of my day is reserved to preparing food and cleaning dining rooms. A short part of my work day is spent serving students and sisters (nuns), which I see as valuable ministry time. But it has been real difficult to stay positive.

Yesterday, I got delegated to scraping food that had stuck to the pans after the students were done eating. That got me pretty low...

Sounding good now?

But after I was done I went and hung out with my buddy Luke. It was just a great time to sit and relax, and chill (even though we were supposed to be working on youth stuff for our church). We just got to sit and talk about our futures, about life and about God's plan through all of it. He reminded me of a verse that I have kept with me all day today. It's one that we usually remember, but don't usually take into context:

"I have learned to survive on almost nothing or everything. I have discovered the secret to living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with little or plenty. For I can do everything through Christ, who strengthens me."
- Philippians 4:12-13

Even though I'm going through some discontentment with my job, I know that God has a plan. He has not trained me and grown me to live in a life of fruitlessness and discouragement. Although I am stuck to serving and cleaning at the moment, I know that God has a purpose for it, even if it is to grow my endurance and prepare me for what's coming.

It's funny how this one little thing can put everything into perspective for me. I am discontent with this job. But I am also a youth pastor and a ministry student. Two things I absolutely love doing. Two things that I am praying will be fruitfull and encouraging and effective. I'm praying that God will change this whole city, but I can only start with where I am.

Right now I'm in a valley...but with God's grace I am not fearing the worst...He has always, and will always walk beside me and carry me to where He needs me.

"Even though the journey's long,

and I know the road is hard.
Well the one who's gone before me,
He will help me carry on.
And after all that I've been through,
now I realize the truth
that I must go through the valley
to stand upon the Mountain of God."

-Mountain of God, Third Day

I am Already and Not Yet

2006-09-03T21:22:00.000-05:00

So i know i haven't posted in a while....
I know I haven't written about my summer...
I know I've probably lost a lot of readers...
But it's time to move on and get back in the blogging groove.

I hope you can read the post before this one on Pat and Mary Beth. They are two people I lived with this summer that changed my life. They are amazing, and I miss them so much! Anyway, onto other things...

Ever wondered what Jesus was talking about when He would talk about the coming of the Kingdom?

I didn't.

But just recently I watched this DVD by a guy named Derek Morphey, which completely blew my whole concept of Christianity out of the water. Before I continue, lets look at a couple of passages from the Gospels.

From then on Jesus began to preach. "Turn from your sins and turn to God, because the Kingdom of Heaven is near." - Matthew 4:17

One day the Pharisees asked Jesus, "When will the Kingdom of God come?"
Jesus replied, "The Kingdom of God isn't ushered in with visible signs. You won't be able to say, 'Here it is!' or "It's over there!' For the Kingdom of God is within you." - Luke 17: 20

OK, so is the Kingdom of God here or is it coming?

The answer: IT'S BOTH

Logically it makes no sense, which is why many theologians have decided to define it by calling it "Kingdom Language" (well.....its definately not English!). I guess the point of that is, is that we are supposed to be confused by this and have to try to define it within the context of "God's plan" or "God's Truth".

If we take the coming of God's Kingdom to mean the arrival of His glory on earth, where His name is lifted above all others, where the blind will see and the deaf will hear and where Christ is present to all who believe......

.....then this idea of God's Kingdom being Already here and Not Yet here at the same time, now makes perfect sense to me.

Why?

Have you ever witnessed something so amazing and miraculous that you find it hard to put into words the emotions you've felt? Maybe at times when you've fell in love, or witnessed a beautiful sunset, or had a prayer answered or hit a moment, like me, where you just can't explain the amazing thing that is happening to you right now in the present moment...

...That is the Kingdom of God.

Yet we don't feel these things all the time. Truth is, our bodies probably wouldn't be able to take it. Even the most hardcore Christians aren't beeming with joy 24 hours a day (although sometimes we think we ought to be). Infact, there are moments where we feel totally upset at life. We fail and we fall. We sin and we sell ourselves out. And we do it all the time.

...We are human afterall.

And God's Kingdom was not meant for this world. We want to be in God's presence all the time, but the truth is, our human bodies probably couldn't handle it. When we cry or laugh, our body jolts and jiggles and we are overcome with emotion to which our body uses these avenues to find a release. In quiet reflectful times we can also be overcome by insight and wisdom that we can admit we have had no part in aquiring.

The fact is that God blesses us, in moments, with his coming Kingdom. He gives us a window into what will come when Christ finally returns. The Kingdom is within us, yet we have not yet experienced it all. But it is near.

There will be a time when Christ returns and those that believe in Him will be taken to His Kingdom instantly to live fully in the blessing of God. Yet for now, all we have are these glimpses. They are fully given by God's grace...yet our relationship with him deepens our experience. We are able to see more clearly God's kingdom in our lives because we are interacting with Him more.

What an incredible promise from Jesus...

The Kingdom of Heaven is near...

The Kingdom of God is within you...

I am Already and Not Yet...

Pat and Mary-Beth

2006-08-01T00:15:00.000-05:00

Pat and Mary-Beth Kelley have been the couple I have been living with for the last 2 and a bit months, and I just can't get enough of them. They are two of the most amazing people I have met in my short life, and have been nothing but generous, caring and loving to me ever since they met me. I never get to talk about them enough, so I figure I'll brag about them for a little while.

Not only have they given me a place to stay (and eat at!) this summer, but they have also introduced me to their amazing family: their sons and daughters, and grand children (which are all around my age). There has never been a moment with them that i've felt uncomfortable or lacking something. They have made me feel right at home, and have spoiled me rotten since i've been here.

Not only do I have a king size bed and my own room, but i also have free internet access, an incredible fridge full of food, and a bathroom that just miraculously cleans itself (thank you Mary-Beth!). I've tried to offer to help around the house, even just putting away the dishes or wiping down the table. But i have to have special permission to do those; not because i'm incapable, but because they just want to look after me.

Most nights when I am home we will play Mexican Train Dominoes. It's a game I introduced them to when i first got here, and they love playing it. Sometimes i wonder why they like playing it so much, because i tend to win most games. I warned them from the beginning that I don't lose, but with their competitive spirit, they only saw that as a challenge! I love playing with them, because every game isn't just a game. It's another story about their life, or some funny instance that happenned to them during the day.

They have imparted so much wisdom to me, that i should have written a book about my time here in Houston. I love spending time with Pat over lunch or breakfast and just talking about life; the decisions he has made, the funny stories from his college days, or just advice he gives me about relationships with people from all walks of life. Talking with Mary-Beth always cheers me up, whether its just talking about what has happenned that day, how I'm messing up my laundry, or giving her a hard time about going to the gym. She always has a warm smile and a big hug for any moment of the day.

The fact that my mum called this morning, and asked Mary-Beth how "our" son is going, says a lot for these two amazing people. But it just amazes me how God fills our need for family when we need it. In my stay over the last 5 in the US, there has always been a family at some point in time that has stepped in for my biological family. It has made me value so much more, my own family back home, and what they have sacrificed for me to be over here.

To Pat and Mary Beth, I thank you for being humble enough to welcome to into your family, and treat me as one of your own. I've been blessed because of you and have gained so much from your wisdom. May God Bless you both.

Please interceed...

2006-07-25T22:22:00.000-05:00

This weekend was one of the greatest weekends i've had in a while. I got to go to Dallas....one of my favorite places.....was able to be apart of a worship concert and got to hang out with some of my most favorite people in the world.

However, the fallout of a weekend like that is always a bit of a let down. In my case, it got me thinking about the future.....which is never an enjoyable thing for me. Basically, it just causes a lot of stress....i'm getting hot flashes just typing about it (maybe its just because my laptop is burning up on my lap!).

For me....the future is just too much to think about. Where am I going to live? What am I going to do? When am I going to settle down? When am I going to get married? How am I going to afford it? Sound familiar? If you roll all those questions together you just get a big ball of stress.....that i always hate dealing with.

Plus, the last two days have been kinda lonely. I've been working by myself in the office becuase the younger kids are on mission trip (in Dallas of all places). So i've had to listen to my head instead of 4 ladies talking about girl stuff (which unfortunately is worse :)

I hate these periods of my life, but they usually mark a turning point for me. I usually have to make a big decision which is uncomfortable, but turns out for the best. It's unfortunate that it's that predictable, which is why I'm praying for something out of the ordinary to happen. There are so many possibilities that i have ran through my head for the next few years of my life, but it would be great to experience a miracle....something out of the blue occur.

Throughout the stress these last few days, "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls has been running through my head (maybe the loneliness has something to do with it). But it has been a powerful song for me. I sat down to play it today on the piano and while i was playing it I had one of those great moments when God decides to interceed without notice:

"When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am...
I just want you to know THAT I AM"

For some reason it popped into my head, but it gave me a lot of comfort.....and for just a little while.....I understood that my future was in good hands. That God really does know me and what's best. That He is enough and His grace is limitless. I wish i could feel this way all the time, but moments of stress always seem to overcome that understanding, untill His limitless grace shows me mercy.

That led me to this verse today:
"God replied, "I AM THE ONE WHO ALWAYS IS. Just tell them, 'I AM has sent me to you.' " God also said, "Tell them, `The LORD, the God of your ancestors--the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob--has sent me to you.' This will be my name forever; it has always been my name, and it will be used throughout all generations."
-Exodus 3:14-15

~God, you will always be there. I wish I could always be. But I thank you that you continue to show me mercy everyday, as your personal wish. Take my life and make something miraculous of it. Astound me in ways i can never predict....so that I may come to know the glory of Your name. Amen~

Katrina Aftermath

2006-07-17T09:50:00.001-05:00

quality=high bgcolor=#000000 WIDTH="320" HEIGHT="250" NAME="slideshow"
ALIGN="center" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash"
PLUGINSPAGE="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer">

Take some time to see what Katrina has left in its wake, one year after it hit New Orleans.

Please pray for this city and it's people.

On a Mission in New Orleans...

2006-07-09T00:42:00.000-05:00

This week I am on the road again. I know i haven't updated since the last round of trips i've been on. But i get the feeling that this one is going to stick with me for a while...

On Sunday morning a group of 36 from our church will be making the journey to New Orleans o participate with Habitat for Humanity and Mission Lab to be a small part of the re-building process in New Orleans.

I feel blessed just to even be going on this trip, as i know many have gone before us and prepared the way so we can work. But this is a part of America where many have been struck by deep poverty, if they weren't in it already. Ever since hurricane Katrina I have wanted to be able to participate in just a small way, and getting that chance makes me feel extremely blessed.

But i also know that it will be a testing time for me and many of the others we will be working with.

I would ask that you would pray not just for me and our church, but for the lives we will come into contact with while in New Orleans. If you could leave a prayer in the comment section of this post, i would really appreciate it.

I'll be gone for a week...
Who knows if i will come back...

~God.......my heart and prayers goes out to those that have been struck by the devastation of last years hurricanes. I don't know what this trip will bring for me or our church, but all i ask is that your will would be done in New Orleans. That you would use us for that divine will. And in someway....in some small part, bring a glimpse of Your hope and peace to the citizens of this city. I can't praise you enough for this oppurtunity. Grow me and use me on this journey. In Jesus' name. Amen~

The Spiritual Life (Another Imperfect Analogy)

2006-06-29T07:30:00.000-05:00

Since I've been in Miami, I've been running every day on the beach. I love it! The first day we got here I really felt like God was speaking to me while I was running. He didn't say anything....He just let me run.....A real long way......So this is what happenned. But first, a good Word.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body.
2 Corinthians 4:7-11

Begin.

I pose.
I flex.
BIG muscles....yeah right.
Click Click
"Seeya when you get back"
I start running.
The sand is soft.
The water is warm
My legs are loaded.
First beach in over a year.
I'm excited and confident.
I'm gonna run to the end of this beach.

There are so many hotels!
They are so marvellous.
But not for a beach.
I wonder where they end?
I bet at that big one.
That's how far I'll run.
Yeah! It's not even that far.
I bet there'll be a park.
Maybe some grass and dunes
And trees. Palm trees.
It'll be real nice.
It'll be just like home.

I look to the sand.
Cratered by footprints.
Remnants of sweet adventures.
I look to the water.
Tiny ripples but no waves.
An infinite invitation for a runner.
I wonder where it ends?
It's gonna feel great when i stop.
Stop running?
I could go for days!
Forrest Gump style!
I am free and alive.

Ten minutes pass.
This is so pretty.
I could write about this!
I could live at a beach.
I will live at a beach!
And run everyday!
I will be at one with nature.
I will be so healthy and buff!
My wife will like that.
I bet i've run pretty far.
I'm not even tired yet.
That big hotel is getting pretty close.

Twenty minutes pass.
This sand is getting soft
Real soft. Harder to run.
There are rocks i have to dodge.
There are people in my way.
Up the dune. Softer sand.
Two pretty girls.
"Hi."
"Hi."
............
I never look back.
This beach aint got nothin' me.

Thirty minutes pass.
I'm covered in sweat.
I've been running on an angle.
That must be bad for my feet.
I wonder where my parents are?
They're probably wondering where i am.
Too bad. I'm gonna make it to the end.
You still feeling good?
Ouch! Stepped on a rock.
I like pain!!!
I'm still not at that big hotel.
Not too far now. I'll make it.

Should be spending time with mum.
I've ran pretty far.
I still feel good.
The end will be worth it.
Trees. Palm trees. Home.
Suddenly I stop.
I start walking.
Why did i stop?
I stand.
I see Eden Roc Hotel.
How imperfect is this?
There are a lot of people here.

I walk out into the water.
Oh this feels good!
My body cools.
My feet soothe.
I walk out deeper.
I see the big hotel.
I walk out further.
I see more hotels.
And no palm trees.
Then, I realize where I am.
I emerse my sore body.
This must be heaven.

End.

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.
Phillippians 3:12-14

Post-ending.

Then I realize I have to run back.
I swim back to shore.
I walk out on the hot sand.
My body is aching.

I pose.
I flex.
Lots of wierd looks.
Oh well.
I start running.

Update! Update!

2006-06-24T20:12:00.000-05:00

Beautiful cloud over Houston sunset

So it's about time i gave an update.....so much has happenned in the last couple of weeks that i've kinda been putting it off.....i guess that just means more stuff to update on....

So camp was an amazing time. I had the chance to really get to know a lot of the kids in our youth group at Cypress Creek, but also a lot of the kids in the area Disciples churches . I was the co-leader of a small group, and the laughing stock of the whole camp! I gotta admit though....i kinda brought it on myself, being Australian and all.....hehehe. Well, i also wore a bunch of "orange head accessories" as one camper called it. I had two orange hats, plus i brought an orange scarf.....which i ended up wearing on my head.

My buddy Isaac from Camp. Please be praying for him.

There were so many stories that came out of that camp that i'd be crazy to try write them all down. The most fulfilling parts for me was definately the small group time and the worship. Some of the discussions that took place in our group were really well. They definately challenged my faith, and hopefully deepened some of the campers. The worship times were excellent too. I got to befriend an amazing couple: Chris and Janelle Henderson, who led the worship sessions every day. Just being able to interact and fellowship with them was so rewarding, and them allowing me to lend some of my musical gifts was the greatest gift for me at that camp. I really feel like it helped me develop a greater passion for worship and getting involved.

Me and Chris jammin during some free time

After a week of camp, and life away from reality (it's really nice...you should try it sometime!), we came back to another crazy week of full on work in youth ministry at Cypress Creek. Not only are we frantically preparing for mission trip (in the second week of July), but we also had a bunch of programs this week. Tuesday we had Altered practice (our youth band which has two gigs in Dallas in July), Wednesday was bible study (we got through Daniel Chp 2, and the mini-van got a new paint job), and Thursday was TAN DAY!! One of the coolest service days i've ever been on (i wrote about it on our church youth blog cccc4life.blogspot.com).

Me snarfing (inhaling) some chocolate pudding out of a styrofoam cup!

Friday and Saturday were also AMAZING! Friday.....i managed to accomplish absolutely NOTHING AT ALL!!! It was a great feeling. Saturday i wrote a couple emails and played some cards and dominoes with Mary Beth and Pat. I tried to teach them Hand and Foot, but i think i messed up somehow....i'm gonna have to get the Gilberts to help me out with that.

Today was pretty awesome though. After church we had a ground breaking for the new youth building which will be completed within a year (i think). Then Sunday School, and youth group tonight which was awesome. It was a worship night, and i got to lead. I think it was the first time i've ever felt confident leading worship, and feeling good about it when it was done. It was a great night where we really focused on the lyrics, intertwined with scripture, and some good prayer time. It was much needed for me.....i pray that the kids felt the same.

Chelsey, Lindsey and Jenica re-doing the soccer mum mini-van.

So thats got to be the shortest version of a two week update i've ever done! I'm hoping to get a video up on here pretty soon of the church where i work.....that will be coming. Also! Tommorrow i leave for MIAMI!!!! I'm off to see my MUM!!!! I'm so excited.....i haven't seen here in over a year now, and there is so much we will catch up on. I'm thinkin a lot of beach time too! I can't wait! Please be praying about that!

Well that's about all i got.....you guys have a great week, hopefully i can update from Miami....Love you guys. God Bless

Rainy Day, Happy God (and dog!)

2006-06-20T22:21:00.000-05:00

I came home from the church a couple of days ago and there was a dog out running in the rain. As i pulled up and got out of my car, it came up to me and jumped up on me like it was so happy to see me. It started running around in a playful attitude like it wanted to play. As it ran through our grass, beads of water and shards of green would get thrown up into the air, and it was a beautiful site. It was a pretty dog, and it looked like it was having so much fun out in the rain.

I couldn't help but stand out there and play with it for a while. All i had to do was stamp my feet and it would go off running like i was behind it, playing tag or something. It would then come to a stop, where if i stomped again....off it would go! It just seemed so happy to have someone show it some attention and play with it in the rain.

After i went inside and showered up, had something to eat, played the piano for a bit, talked to Pat and Mary-Beth, a friend showed up to take me to another friends house to hang out for the night. We walked outside and got in the car, but as i was opening my door, the dog appeared out of nowhere!!! It must have hung around outside for a good 3 hours waiting for me to come back out!! I felt a lot of emotion for that pup as we drove off, and it stood in the middle of the road, still looking as playful as ever, and happy to be out and about.

There are many days where i marvel at God's creation, and how it continues to astound us and remind us of his presence. As I was playing with that dog the other day, i really felt like God was there.....maybe not in me, but somewhere in that dog. Like a good friend, it came out of nowhere and was so happy to see me, it played with me almost in an attempt to lift my spirits as high as it's were, and it hung around to make sure I was doing ok, and having a good time, even if it wasn't involved.

I wasn't particularly feeling down, or depressed or upset that day, but this dog didn't seem to care. It just wanted to make sure i was as happy as I could be, or at least excited as it was to be free.....out and roaming in the world.......being itself......even in the rain.

Off to camp!

2006-06-10T10:02:00.000-05:00

Hey!

Just thought i'd update to say that I'm going to be away at a camp this week with all the area high-school kids from the Disciples of Christ church. It's going to be an awesome week, with lots of fun planned....but i hope that God's plan for this week will reveal itself to everyone in a big way.

I really would appreciate if you could pray for our campers this week, as we get to spend a week away from reality this week. I know its going to be a good break for them, and i pray so much that the Holy Spirit will become a permanent mark on many kids lives this week.

Please pray for me and the rest of the adults too, that our endurance and strength will last this week. That even after the blistering heat and day full of rowdy activities, we would be able to make time for the kid that has a late night question about why we exist!

~God, I thank you so much for this oppurtunity. I pray that you would bless this week; that relationships would be able to grow; that the rational could take a backseat to the divine; that your love may be shared in a life-altering way; that Christ would show his face to each and every youth. I praise you for this oppurtunity. I love you Lord. Amen~

Can you bear it?

2006-06-07T12:17:00.000-05:00

No!!!! The urge is too strong.......mmmust...tttouch...ccarving!!! Argghhhh!!

I went to go get my passport in order a couple of days ago (it expires in July), and i had to go
down to downtown Houston to find the Australian consulate. I was driving around for a while down there, before i finally found the place inside a small, almost residential looking, art gallery! It was a showcase of Aboriginal art, with a small office on the side which i guess they call the consulate. I actually walked in the office thinking it was another part of the gallery, when i saw the consulate general sitting behind a small desk!

"Whoops! i guess i'll come back later!"

All that aside....there was this really cool crocodile carving, with an even cooler warning beside it. I'm kinda looking forward to going back next week to re-submit my passport app. (since i didn't have all the paperwork). Maybe i could touch the carving!!!! Nooo!!! Must resist the urge!!!!

What's kind of funny, now that i think about it, is that our first bible study kind of tied into all that. We've started a study on the book of Daniel; we went over the first chapter yesterday. It talks about how Daniel and his posse were taken from their families Jerusalem, cross-country to Babylon to start a three-year study program so they could be advisors to the king over there. A bunch of other people were brought over too. They were all given the finest food and wine to drink and a great education. But Daniel decided that he wasn't going to accept the food and wine; it went against his religious laws, and felt it was displeasing God. So he negotiates with the officials and pulls a deal:

"Test us for ten days on a diet of vegetables and water," Daniel said. "At the end of the ten days, see how we look compared to the other young men who are eating the king's rich food. Then you can decide whether or not to let us continue eating our diet." So the attendant agreed to Daniel's suggestion and tested them for ten days.
(To demonstrate what this must have been like for Daniel, i made our group eat Vegemite on crackers!)

After ten days, they were stronger and healthier than the rest of the recruits, and God blessed them for their obedience with a lot of wisdom, so they could understand their education far better than the rest.

I really felt like that step of faith Daniel took can really apply to a lot of us today. We are constantly told that everything in moderation is a good thing. The problem is, that "everything", apparentley applies to EVERYTHING: alcohol, drugs, sex...etc. I really don't think most of us realize how even "a little" of these things can change the course of our lives, or even influence the course of others.

It's also interesting that we use that phrase to rationalize the things we do that go against our beliefs......*I'm the first guilty culprit*. I'm so glad Jesus didn't come down and say ".....but the greatest of these commandments is to enjoy everything is moderation!" I get the feeling he wanted us to love in excess, not by becoming apart of the crowd or the pressure to follow a cultural norm, but by loving God and others. And especially yourself. Somehow, i think Daniel understood that.

Well, i'm glad i got that out of my system.....haven't done that in a while. Hope everyone is having a good week! I'm missin my Kansas peeps!

R & R & Rock Climbing!!!

2006-05-31T15:28:00.000-05:00

Patrick belaying Dustin with Crystal looking on.....they knew what they were doing!

So...back to work this week...but last weekend was total veg out for me. I tried to figure when the last time was that i spent a day and did nothing......i got back as far as March and thought i better stop there. But this last weekend was great! I think i spent over 20 hours on Friday and Saturday in my bed, either sleeping or just doing nothing!

We had a daily devotional today before we started work which focused on the importance of having a day off each week. I thought to myself "Hmmmm, maybe having two is a little self indulgent!", but i definately justified that thought with everything that has happenned in the last month.....or two.

Kristin and John Frey

On Monday (memorial day over here), i went rock climbing with a bunch of the kids from the youth group at this indoor rock climbing center called Stone Moves. It was awesome! We were there for about 2 and a half hours.....and it rocked!! (pardon the pun). I got to hang out with the kids a little more and get to know some of the guys that worked at the place....they were all real cool, and could do some pretty amazing stuff on the walls. One of the guys was telling us how he could get to the top of a wall in four moves......after a few laughs from us, he went over to the wall.....and did it. We were all pretty impressed.

I've really found myself struggling with this idea of balancing work and rest. I'm in a position where i love my job so much, that it doesn't really feel like work, and that i'm working 12 hour days without even thinking twice about it. I guess it's because i haven't really found a social scene here in Houston yet.....or a group of guys i can go shoot hoops with or hang with. But i get the feeling that even if i had that, i'd still want to be at work, in the youth room, or just getting things done.

Me trying to tight-rope walk....i didn't get very far!

I get this image of me as a candle, with a fire burning at one end , yet knowing that there is an end to the wick. Is youth ministry just like that? You just work untill all of your energy. or your enthusiasm just comes to an end , when you're out of wax (whatever that represents)? All i know for know is that i'm loving my job, learning that i need to pace myself and living an experience that i'll remember for the rest of my life. Praise God!

Brenton "Soccer Mum" Jayatilaka

2006-05-24T20:53:00.000-05:00

So it has begun....the craziness that is Summer. But as you might be able to tell...it has been a lot of fun so far. The car pictured above, is my vehicle for the summer - one that the church that I am at have so graciously provided me with. It has been dubbed "the Church Mini-Van" and I am it's "Soccer Mum". After i discovered that i was going to fill this position for the summer, i figured i'd "pimp" the car out with soccer mum apparell. I'll leave a list of all the stuff i put in it at the bottom....you can probably see most of it from the pics.

(^^^Like the soccer mum sticker!). My other job (as a youth pastor intern!) has been just amazing. For instance, i worked 13 hours yesterday (9-10) and i didn't even realize it untill i came home! I know i'm going to have to slow it down a little otherwise i might burn out....but i'm just having so much fun. I got to meet so many of the youth on Sunday, and even participate in a Ping Pong tournament fundraiser that the youth were holding! My first match was against the senior pastor (Glenn Wilkerson), and i beat him 15-4!!! Afterward he gave me a big hug and welcomed me to the church! But he did say that he's never seen anyone that didn't care so little for his job security!!

I've been living with Patrick and Mary-Beth Kelley, who have been two of the sweetest people i've met since i've been here. They have pretty much accepted me as a part of their family since i got here. They have provided me with a room and have shown me the love of Christ everytime i've been with them (unfortunately, it hasn't been too much...tonight is the first night i've been home before 10pm in 4 days!). I have truly been blessed with this oppurtunity, and I'm so happy just to be able to be in the position to be in a job where i am paid to share God's love. I hope that all full time ministers can remember this at some point in their careers, as it really is God's grace at work.

So i know you've been anxiously waiting to read how "pimped" out my car is.....so here's the list:
- Ultra-bright windshield sun protector
- Smiley face antenna ball
- Soccer Mum sticker (all important)
- Overuse of in-car air-freshners (i have two....and yes, it smells like a flower garden)
- Chalk on the windows reading "Cy Creek Going to State!!"
- Eratic driving on the highways (just kidding!!!)

I hope all that reads is having a great summer (or winter, back home!) and please let me know how everything is going! *Leave a comment*!!!

God Bless "Ya'll"!

P.S. Check out the new Youth Blog I helped make for our youth group here in Houston:
CCCC4Life.blogspot.com

From Graduation to Dallas

2006-05-18T10:57:00.000-05:00

What an incredible month it has been! It has been so busy, but so rewarding. I've had friends visit from Australia, finished up with school, GRADUATED, and had my Dad and Step Mum come and visit for a week! But so much more has happenned.....I had a beautiful reception after graduation, where my family from all over the world were able to meet...some for the first time.
I was able to take my Dad and Step Mum to Kansas City and show them the Plaza and the Blue Room; to Highland to meet the family up there and finally to Dallas to see some friends i made last summer.

Everything has gone off without a hitch, and i sit here marvelling at how blessed I have been. There have been several moments this week where I've had to stop and catch myself wondering what life would be like without all these oppurtunities and priveliges. I don't think i've had more than 5 hours of sleep a night for the last night, just because i've been doing things that i enjoy doing.....not because i have to work, or commit to an obligation...but purely because i am just enjoying life and who i am at the moment.

I really believe that this is one of God's greatest gifts He provides us: when we finally feel blessed with who we have become....even if it is for a brief moment. I've had these moments every now and then in my life.....but it really feels like i've been riding this wave of blessing for about a month. However...I am still restless. I still feel like i am grabbing and reaching for more examples of Christ's life like a kid in a candy store. I still want to share the Gospel with all that I meet....but more as an example, rather than a preacher. I find myself constantly reveiwing my actions in a positive light.....and learning more from my mistakes.

On Saturday, I will take another step in my life's journey, and travel to Houston to begin my youth pastor internship at Cypress Creek Christian Church. I will be there for three months learning and gaining experience in full-time ministry, and truly find if this is where God wants me in my life. I am so excited at the prospect of spending three months with a new group of highschoolers, getting to know them and sharing the Gospel with them. With all this going on though...i can't help but stop to think of all my friends and family i'll be leaving behind for a little while....I'm going to miss everyone so much...please keep in touch!

~God, i can't praise you enough for all that you do in my life. I don't know what i did to deserve this blessed life, but i know that Your Son has provided the Way for me. I thank you Jesus for all that you have saved me from, and pray that you would continue to bless the lost, downtrodden and impoverished. I love you Lord. Amen~

Ode to Human Ingenuity

2006-05-03T20:19:00.000-05:00

Well done mortal men!
We have done very well!
We have captured the essence of heaven,
And conquered the depths of hell!

We have built buildings high
And discovered seas low
We have allowed man to fly
And made it a great show!

We have pondered great thought
And philosophized deep theory
Our minds can think not
Of the limit to our creativity!

Let us boast to the degree
That all of gravity can hold
Let me flick on the switch
So that all of us can see

Whoops! I forgot to change the light bulb!

Guitar Hero Night!!!! (cont.)

2006-04-30T00:05:00.000-05:00

The saga continues......

Dukey himself thought that if he maybe wore a hat he would be as good as Greatness.....how wrong he was....

Dukey struggled to find strength, as Greatness took off his hat.........and beat him anyway!!!

This made Dukey very sad......

And the Dunce just got confused......and started playing the guitar behind her head.....

As the game came to a close, onlookers watched in amazement, and dreamed of one day becoming a Guitar Hero Superstar, like Greatness.

Guitar Hero Night!!!!

2006-04-29T15:41:00.000-05:00

So if you haven't ever played Guitar Hero
on PS2 before....you gotta try it...it's a blast. I must say, that when i've been wearing my hat....i'm undefeated....even on level medium!!! Feast your eyes boys and girls....here are some pics from the other night.....you are watching greatness unfold!!!

Dukey and the Dunce thought about playing some Guitar Hero one night.....

They thought they were pretty good.....They thought to themselves "We can beat anyone in the world!!!"

Little did they know that Greatness was staring them in the back.....and laughing.....mauahahahaha

Greatness was ready to shut them down.....and he was wearing a hat!

Dukey tried as hard as he could to battle Greatness....but he was soon put to shame

Stay tuned.....for the next installment of....."Guitar Hero Night!!!"

Youth ministry video!

2006-04-25T14:52:00.000-05:00

So i've just added my new video to my blog! I made it for a presentation i had to do for my class about my ministry education, and it's of all the dorky stuff i've done in my last two years with ministry. If you can tell, i'm really excited about it! You've probably already heard about it....i emailed everyone in my address book! Anyway....please check it out and let me know what you think.

God has really blessed me with the oppurtunity to even participate in youth ministry, let alone study it and have the joy of leading it. I have had so much fun while doing youth ministry, and have done some pretty crazy (but safe!) things in the name of building relationships with kids and sharing God's love.

~I praise you God for all my oppurtunities. All my lessons that i've learned, and for those i've yet to learn. I thank you that you have blessed me with a passion and a vocation to minister to Your youth, and i pray that You would lead me where I need to go. Praise you Father, Son and Spirit. Amen.~

Need a break? (Revised)

2006-04-24T11:47:00.000-05:00

A train found it's brakes had broke, and couldn't stop
Passengers were in danger of death or worse
Broken limbs, lost friends or plain fear to top
A burdened trip, brought on by this train's curse.
Gravity for sure, must be put to blame
This hill on the journey was far too steep
Inertia was pulling to harm this train
And the tracks narrowed up, so fate could reap.
Yet the driver was raring, as the route
And busy schedule required such speed
Those in his care and himself were blanked out,
For the notion to slow, he felt no need.
Will the haste to the end give us great pride,
Or will we burn out, and forget the ride?

In a Dark Time

2006-04-19T15:12:00.000-05:00

Dark, dark my light, and darker my desire.
My soul, like some heat-maddened summer fly.
Keeps buzzing at the sill. Which I is I?
A fallen man, I climb out of my fear.
The mind enters itself, and God the mind,
And one is One, free in the tearing wind.
In a Dark Time, Theodore Roethke, lines 19-24

In the same way, the Spirit too comes to the aid of our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit itself intercedes with inexpressible groanings.
And the one who searches hearts knows what is the intention of the Spirit, because it intercedes for the holy ones according to God's will.
Romans 8:26-27

Both of these lines really spoke to me today......i'm not even going through a hard time.....but what a blessing to know that He is working through good times and bad. Praise You God.

Being a College Student........

2006-04-14T12:36:00.000-05:00

So, for the last two days, it's really felt like i've had the college student mentality....again. After one of the busiest weeks of my life, the last two days have probably been some of the slowest. It's easter break, and yeah.....i'm looking down the barrell of 7 major assignments before the end of April, and these last two days off could have come in real handy.

But the last two days i've managed to sleep in untill at least 11am, watched some tv, messed around on the computer.....pretty much doing nothing. For me, that is definately an accomplishment, but one that attaches some guilt to it. I think once you become so busy that your free time doesn't even include meal time anymore, you have this kind of nicotene affect when you aren't doing anything. "I have to be doing something"....."I have to find something to do"....."Im going to get really bored if i just sit here".

The other day, i went out to a park with a couple of buddies and we sat at this overlook of the Missouri River and watched the sun go down. There was an older couple there sitting with us, and they whispered when they talked. I think once we recognized that, we thought we may as well be quiet also. For about 10 minutes, me and my two buddies, and this older couple sat at the overlook, in complete silence, and watched the sun go down. All you could hear was the squirrels rustling the leaves nearby.

This is what i needed. Just time to be still. To stop moving. To stop thinking. To stop. I really wonder how many people take time out of their day to do that.....just stop. I think some people, (like myself, sometimes) become so busy that they do know how to stop. Its like they see a red light and drive straight through it. Have you ever had the urge to do that when no other cars are around? Gotta be somewhere?

I think these last two days have taught me a lot. I have accomplished nothing in terms of schoolwork, or churchwork, or paperwork.....but i think my spirit just took a huge breather. After taking a big breath i can really feel it too.

'Be still and know that I am God' has been a good verse this week.

A train found it's brakes had broke, and couldn't stop
Passengers were in danger of death or worse
Broken limbs, lost friends or plain fear to top
A burdened trip, brought on by this train's curse.
Gravity for sure, must be put to blame
This hill on the journey was far too steep
Inertia was pulling to harm this train
And the tracks narrowed up, so pain could reap.
Yet the driver was raring, as the route
And busy schedule required such speed
Those in his care and himself were blanked out,
For the notion to slow, he felt no need.
Will the haste to the end give us great pride,
Or will we burn out, and forget the ride?

You.

2006-03-08T10:01:00.000-06:00

This poem is for you.
You know who you are.
There's no games this time.
I'm not trying to change your heart.

In fact, I'm not trying to change anything.
Or make you see a different light.
I just want you to be you.
And might to be might.

I surrender all advantage I have.
Or all power I may have attained.
Because its not a victory that I'm concerned about.
Just Love - That's all that needs to be gained.

"For I know the plans I have for you"
But, I sure don't know what they are.
I just know that you're great.
And i wish you could see that far.

This poem is for you.
But really, it's for me.
Coz I'm sick and tired of being fake.
And i want the world to see.
You.

You already know.

2006-02-27T19:52:00.000-06:00

Was there ever a love so great...
That nobody saw,
Nobody felt,
Nobody recognized...
Untill they needed it the most,
Realizing...it was there all along.

This is the love i have for you.
You can have it any time.
All you have to do is.......

Week in Pictures...

2006-02-20T11:46:00.000-06:00

So i found my adapter (read below post).....so this is what happenned

Mr. Spire Competition....had to dress up in some wierd outfits....i'll explain. Me and Kate "Ms. Spire" Schebaum.

"Spire Attire" - pretty much dressing up in anything Saint Mary's. I decided to dress up as an actual spire (top of a church building....also, our school mascot.....go figure)

"Formal wear - from any decade" - you may think im a pirate, but this is the actual formal wear worn by Australian convicts. That's history for ya!

"Street clothes" - clothes from the street right?? Ohh.

The HCC crew catchin up at Jana's birthday party

Jana and Lance - the birthday twins! Was awesome hangin out with you guys!

4 hour sleep week!

2006-02-19T23:12:00.000-06:00

Yep. It's been that kinda week. You let yourself get in the habit of thinking that 5 hours of sleep....is a SLEEP-IN!!! Man....i've gotta kick this habit.

So this is another update i guess. Poetry's takin a back seat. This week has just had too much happen to it to let it slide......so here goes.

So Tuesday....i won the whole Mr. Spire deal. It was pretty funny. I won a cape and a crown and lost a lot of shame (had to paint my toenails!). I wish i could post some pictures, but i guess i've lost my adapter for my camera.......what a shame....my nails looked so good.

Wednesday. Got the call from Cypress Creek Christian Church in Houston, TX (cypresscreekdoc.org), and they offered me a youth intern position at their church for the summer with their high school group!!!! I was really stoked. God has blessed me abundantly with that oppurtunity, and even though i've never been to their church before, and I will be missing some valuable time with my buddies here in KS, i'm looking forward to learning a whole bunch from the group in Houston! I even got to write a letter to the youth....here's an excerpt:

"During my college years, I really felt like God was pulling me towards ministry, and especially towards the youth (Hey, that’s you!). I made the decision to dedicate my life to doing His will and developing a relationship with Him……and it has been A – MAZING. I’ve taken some pretty hard falls during that time, and gone through a lot of tests (which I’d be glad to talk to you about), but I have learned that God is faithful in everything He puts us through and that He will never lead us into things that are too much for us to bear (1 Corinthians 10:13). Based on this, I just live my life FULL OUT for God, and hold nothing back. You’ll find out that I can be a little weird at times….a little dorky…. and a little tall? But I am passionate and serious about our God and the love He has for all of us through His son. I can’t wait to meet y’all (oh man, the lingo has caught on already!)"

Please be prayin for the youth of Cypress Creek and that my experience there will help all of us draw closer to Him.
Youth group on Wednesday was awesome too. It was a lot of fun for everyone and i got to hang out with the youth again...which is always good (Love you guys!!!)

Thursday.....crazy day. Senior night for basketball. Im gonna admit....it was pretty tough to get recognized for this year....i got really choked up about the idea of not playing college basketball again. You really do realize how much you miss things when they're gone, and with my injury, it has been difficult this year (still nursing a torn hamstring). But I've been taught so much through that experience...even through the bad times......
That night i had an 7-pager to write, and stayed up way to late trying to get it done....took a nap and got up and finished it though.

Friday.....4 classes later, i'm at Zona Rosa, and my old roomate Lance gives me a call, telling me he'll be in Leavenworth for the weekend! I was super excited, and it was really good hangin out with him. We went ghost hunting on campus when he got in (well, just toured the campus at night). I introduced him to a couple of St. Mary's buddies, and we just stayed up all hours.

Saturday.....work......6am to 7pm...nuff said. Lance's birthday also.....we ate dinner with his volleyball team as he was at a v-ball tournament all weekend (reason he was at St. Mary's). We went to Lawrence that night and caught up with our mutual friend, Jana...who was also celebrating a birthday. It was great to see her and to meet her friends.......miss hangin out with those two.

Sunday....church with no message....it was awesome! Well....in the sense that i got to talk to heaps of people and meet a couple new. Our church is growing really fast, and the atmosphere is really unintrusive. It's just one big family....i love it. Got to hang out with Tara (friend from school) too.....haven't done that in a while. We talked about just about everything....she's great for that.

Well as you can probably tell....im dyin on ya....4 hour sleep week has definately caught up with me....and its time to visit Sleepytown for at least 8 hours.....Goodnight Sweet World......and God Bless!

Same blog...same guy....different skin

2006-02-13T23:39:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone......

So as some of you might be able to tell, i've been fiddling around with my blog just recently. Kinda gave it a new face....hope you like the new additions. Plus...you can use the message board as much as you like, i think it's starting to feel lonely.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone for the feedback on my poetry. Yeah, its a little rusty and raw...but it helps so much in expressing how you feel. I really didn't think i could write some of the stuff i have (not that it's great to begin with), but it's workin for me and that's what i like about it. I would recommend anyone to give it a go.

Not much to update on....

Im in the Mr. and Ms. Spire competition tommorrow: part of our Tower Power week at St. Mary's. Ill post some photos of me making a fool of myself.
I have moved into a new apartment: It's much bigger and a little more homey. I know you can't see much from the picture....but i like it.
Still out of basketball :( my hammy has been torn for the good part of the semester, and our senior night game is on thursday...probably miss that. It's been...let me say...an experience at St. Mary's for me with basketball. In a sense, im glad its coming to an end.
I've been posting a lot more?!?!? Wierd, i now.....must be due to having Tuesday's off school. I feel like i have so much time....in reality, its not true :(

Keep in your prayers....

One of my good friends from Highland, KS, Cheryl Rasmussen, had to put her beloved dog Coda to sleep this week due to a nervous system disease. Cheryl is a great friend, and her house is pretty quiet without Coda.
One of Cheryl's good friends, Angie Eberly, just found out after taking a pregnancy test at the doctors office that she is 4 and a half months pregnant!!! It came as quite a surprise, but i hear she is pretty excited. Pray that she might be prepared for this amazing addition to her family
Garry Davis, a great friend of mine from the summer at camp, is about to give a talk to his Christian fraternity about homosexuality. God has really been preparing him for this event, and it seems like this may be a great ministry oppurtunity for Garry. He's a dear friend and i'd love for you to pray for him.
Our youth group at the Vineyard along with other churches has just embarked on "The 7 Project". An idea that is designed to tackle 6 problems facing teens with 7 solutions. Later in the year, we will go to Leavenworth HS and talk to the kids about these 6 issues and invite them to a youth rally event. It has proven to be very successful in many cities around the nation, and i really hope that God uses this event to touch a lot of the troubled youth in Leavenworth. There is a great desire to reach the youth in Leavenworth and show them a better way of life in this drug infested city. Please keep this in your prayers.
My family. My bro is havin a hard time readjusting to living at home since being here in the US. Its putting a lot of tension on the family. Pray for their salvation and their relationship with the Lord. I know He loves them very much.

Well that's about it.....i think i might stick with the poetry thing for a while.....but i'll update from time to time. Love all of you heaps! Let me know what's goin on in your life!

God Bless,

Brenton, Bob, BJ......whatever!

Marana Tha

2006-02-13T00:34:00.000-06:00

Beside my schedule,
Aside from the incident,
Inside that cage
My heart is displaced.

For how hard shall I toil?
For how long shall I wait?

Will the sweat from my brow
Give salt to the soil?
My friend, my Rose,
I want you to blossom.

Ahhh...Grace wont shower till my work stops...now!
And the petals will fragrance
Before my heart is found.

For you.

2006-02-08T00:50:00.000-06:00

That hole inside your body
That's filled up with unknowing
Is a glimpse in time away
From becoming what you want.

I wish i could give it to you
But words cannot express
The pain, the embaressment, the anger
That i want to undress.

I wish it could feel what I've felt
That emptiness and strife
From the ugliness of past
Turned darkness into light.

What more could i ask for?
I ask just one more tear
For the love, forgiveness and compassion
I want you to hear.

All about me.

2006-01-31T22:24:00.000-06:00

I am transparent.
You can see right through me.
You can see how I act, or how i might.
How might I?

Do you know me?
Are you sure?
Can you tell me what i'll do before
I do it?

Of course you can!
Im as predictable as 1 + 1
It's no secret.....you just have to do the math.
It's all what you figure.

Just take the time and look.
That's all i ask.
That you ask.
And you'll know
All about me.

The Kid has gone home.....:(

2006-01-30T22:35:00.000-06:00

So, my bro, Jake has come to the US, conquered it, and decided to return to the mother country. Good on ya kid...ya did Australia proud.

It was really good to spend time with my little bro. For those of you that don't know, i rarely get to spend time with my family since being here in the US has kept me away for 5 years. Having Jake around has not only allowed me to reconnect with the fam, but also to get to know Jake a lot better. There were so many things that i didn't know, or had forgotten about him and it was refreshing to have him around to hang out with.

It was also a blessing to introduce him to so many of my friends that have been apart of my family. Everyone warmed up to him so much and took him in just like they did me which really makes me want to thank everyone. To the Gilberts, Luke, the Vineyard and the Youth Group, Ryan H, Kate and the James family, Jana and the Collins Family Lance, Kate S, Candi, Kara, Kristen, Kelly, Rachael and Rachael, Cheryl, Sam and the Williams family, Mo,the nuns at the mother house and anyone else that got to spend time with him....thanks so much for taking him in. You're all family to the both of us.

It's funny that me and Jake never used to get along...(and we still don't at times), but after his stay here i've really grown to love him and value every minute i've got to spend with him. We still get on each other's nerves all the time, but i've really began to appreciate the brother he is to me. We are both very different, yet oddly similar. And its funny that in both the similarities and differences i've really grown to appreciate him.

We got to spend about a month with each other and do a lot of things like going to Dallas, Kansas City, Oklahoma City, golfing, bowling, partying, catching some live music and a lot of chilling. We got to share a lot and talk about many things. But now that his trip is all said and done, im really happy that we got to build a relationship (whatever it is), and not slip into being at each others throats (which i feared might happen!). I just hope he had as good a time as i did hangin with him. I love ya bro.........good luck with your school year.
_______________________________________________________________

I know its been a long time since i've posted, but i think its because Jake's been here and i haven't had a lot of time to just sit down and think about what all i've done. I think my blog entries are going to look a little different from now on. I might just start writing out what im thinking, or try my hand at poetry or something. Everyone else seems to have a go at it......i might as well see how it fits on me. I hope to update a little more frequently too......and leave more comments (i know, i've been real slack....im a student, can ya blame me?)

~God, I praise you for the time i've got to spend with my brother. You have done an incredible work in our relationship, and I pray that it continues to grow and flourish in the love you have provided us. I continue to pray for him, that you may keep him safe and searching.....for whatever it is he is looking for in his life. Oh.....and help me to update more.....i really do miss it.hehehe thanks. Amen~

Conversations Part 1

2006-01-05T00:27:00.000-06:00

God:

I don't know what has brought me to this point, to talk directly to You, in this public forum, but i hope that You know it is from me to you. I guess it's just because i crave to spend more time with you, but my rational or logical or emotional being doesn't persuade me enough too.

Maybe that's what i want to talk about. I wish i could listen more to my spiritual being sometimes. I realize that a lot of what i do, at this point in my life, is based upon how i feel at the time. Thanks to You, Your Spirit is keeping me out of trouble. But I bet you're fighting pretty hard for that.

I think it's come time for me to move past that emotional/logical/rational phase of my life and lean more to the spiritual. Not saying that all those other things aren't important. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need more time in prayer.....more time asking you for advice.....more times like this, where we can just........be.

I'd ask that you would help me with that. You have been so merciful to me throughout my whole life, and only You know where i would be without Your influence. That sounds like a scarey place. You know.....i think i focus on that too much. It sounds wierd, but i really do spend a lot of time thinking about the things i do and whether you're in them or not. Whether I am seeking you or not. But now that i look back, i can't imagine a time in my brief years as a Christian that i have consciously not wanted you around. Sure, my sin shows by my action that i deny you many times......but you've got that covered.......Christ, that's you........and i am eternally thankful.

Lord, thankyou for letting me be me. Although you know i am still trying to find out who "me" is, you have allowed me to stumble and trip and fall; but have always been there to pick me up and say "I've been here all along". Thankyou. Thankyou beyond all that i am able to say. Thankyou.

Although i dont always recognize You, know that my heart longs after You......always. May that never change. I love you Lord.

Dallas Road Trip.....oooh yeah.

2005-12-31T01:13:00.000-06:00

So Christmas was awesome....me and the kid (my younger brother Jake) made a trek in my friend's Explorer all the way down to Dallas, TX from Leavenworth, KS. I know you don't want to hear about it, but i'm gonna tell ya anyway so at least i can reminisce about how freakin awesome it was.

Day 1
Me and the kid depart. We make some stops in Wichita (we bought 10 tacos for 5 bucks and shared) Oklahoma City (to check out the
Me and Jake at the Oklahoma Bombing Memorial
memorial....wow!) and at some boondock gas station to make a call from a pay phone only to realize.....i left all my numbers at home (yes....i didn't have a cell phone, but the kid bought me one for christmas.....you should check out my
voicemail sometime, it features a classic belch from my little bro...completely unrehearsed!
Anyway, made it to Dallas, caught up with my boo (Sam Williams - Cocounsellor at Camp....awesome guy!) and went out to eat with Steph (another counsellor at camp - she's in the

middle east right now visiting her parents, then going to Sri Lanka!!). Then, as if this day wasn't going to end, we went and met Priya and Amy, two of Sam's best friends, at Priya's mansion (that's right, we hung out in her personal movie theatre....amazing!!). By that time the kid and I were pretty wacked....so was Sam, so we went back to his bro's house (Tony) and crashed. An incredible first day, but man so much more happenned. (bored yet?)

Day 2
Went to IHOP for brekkie.....can't beat that place. Then we decided we needed to get some physical exercise, so we went and threw the frizz for a little bit, then went and met up with John and Laura, Sam's old college group leaders who work at Dallas Baptist Seminary. From there we went and dabbled in some American football which the kid had never played. Once i told him it was full tackle he rode Sam into the ground on his first play! Ouch!
"And Jesus Wept"
After that we went to the William's residence and met the fam.....incredible people. From there we went to Sam's college group at his church. He asked me to help them out with their worship to which i replied "ummmm heck yes!". We met some more real
nice people there too. We met Tony's girlfriend, Christina, and her best friend Jill.......yeah, we're facebook friends now! Ok...i'll stop bein a geek.

After that we met up with Rachael, a friend of mine from school who happenned to live in Dallas, and went to Natalie's house (another Camp counsellor) and caught up with a couple of other counsellors from camp. It was a great night......we played 16 player cutthroat pool....the longest game ever invented.....but we sat around and just talked for awhile which was great. After another long night in D-town.....we hit the hay.

Day 3
Ummm Christmas in 2 days and no shopping done.....so after getting up at 12 we made it over to the Frisco mall in Dallas (which has its own skating rink! yeah.....malls like that don't exist in KS!) . We walked around for a long time - me, the kid, Sam and Rachael.....not really buying anything, just lookin for stuff we might want. Anyway, we ended up buying one thing, and paying too much for Chick Fil-A at the food court (ohhh but it's soooo good!).

That night we went to the Williams house and a party showed up. About 10 of Sam's friends came over including Christina, Jill, Priya and Garry (another counsellor from camp that i used to jam out all the time with on worship songs). We watched some basketball, ate some Sonic, jumped in the hot tub, then jumped in the pool (it must have been below 40 in there because m sure Antartica doesn't get much colder than that pool was. Jill jumped in too, she can back me up!). It was a great night....we just got to hang out and chill with some awesome people. Man i miss Dallas! Well, after all that we crashed back at Tony's place and that could only bring me to....

Day 4
Christmas Eve. We went to Fairfield, TX to catch up with Wiggy (one of the directors of the Camp Sam and I went to) and made a great day of it. Started off by gorging ourselves at
Wiggy, me, the Kid, and Sam huckin some fizz at Fairfield, TX
the buffet at Sam's resturant (no....not my boo), then went to the Big Field in Fairfield, to throw some more frizz. We must have been out there for a couple of hours, and if it wasn't for all the food we ate, we might have been blown away by the wind out
there. But it was a lot of fun.....a lot of catching up, messing around, and unfortunately, a pulled hamstring for me (yeah....im still sittin out of basketball because of it!). But it was a great afternoon. Wiggs, is one of the greatest people you'll ever meet, and if you want to work at Camp Champions this summer, he is the man to see.

That night we drove through to "Ritz" of Dallas' suburbs and checked out the Christmas lights. I don't know what was more jaw dropping.....the lights or the size of the houses! But it was a lot of fun. I drove with Sam's parents and his younger sister Shannon, and we listened to Vegetales Christmas Carols for most of the way (quite an interesting collection of music...heheheh!). Another great end to a great day....to prepare for another great day......

Day 5
Jesus' birthday. I really enjoyed the service at Sam's church. Their pastor went through the story of Christ's birth from the Bible, then talked about how this story had impacted his life through the lives of others. We got to catch up with some of the college group people and meet some more of Sam's friends. We then did the whole Christmas thing of opening presents, which was really nice of the Williams family to include us in their day. We went to their grandparents later and gorged on some more amaizing food, and rounded off the day with a relatively early night of watchin TV and Tony's. It was just a great day to pause and remember the birth of Christ and bask in the love He has given all of us by enjoying it with family and friends. Somehow, i don't think Christmas will ever lose this.

Day 6
This day was cool. Tony has this awesome setup in his house which allows him to record music form a piano, guitar, drumset, you name it he's got it. So.....Garry came over,
Me and my Ray Charles impersonation.
and we recorded a song of his that he had written a while back, and one i always enjoyed. He let me back him up on the keys while he played guitar....but it was just so cool to be able to do all that in one afternoon. Garry and i always used to rock out together at camp with just a guitar and him singing, and it was great to be able to record something with him.....i might see if i can audioblog the song or somethin becuase it turned out really nice.

Later that night me, the kid, Sam and Tony went to see the Mavs kick the snot out of the Pacers!! It was cool to sit in such a big arena and watch basketball played at its best. Me and the kid have always loved the game, so it was good to finally see an NBA game together. Later that night, we met up with Priya, Rachael, Christina and Steven and went out to go "clubbing". Ha! If only we knew that we were venturing into a black community where all the clubs that we could go to were closed, and ended up walking around for about 10 minutes feeling like the dorkiest people that had walked the planet. We did get a sweet picture outside the Tiger Club though! So we went back to Tony's and played Texas Holdem' for M&M's and Hershey's Kisses. Was another awesome night......im counting my blessings on this trip for sure.

Day 7
Last Day! I think we got up at maybe 1pm.....spent the whole day at Sam's parent's. Played some NFL Blitz on the N64 and "chilled in the hot tub" for about 2 hours. Sooooo relaxing, it must have been about 75 that day. Then we figured since we had eaten a lot of food at the William's place that we'd cook them all dinner. Priya, Amy and Geoff (another one of Sam's friends) came over and Sam grilled some chicken, and the kid and I made some pasta and a salad. Was a great night to
Garry singing "Hold On"
top off a great trip. We just relaxed, caught up and relaxed some more. My hammy was still hurting, and i seriously thought about callin coach to tell him i was too hurt to play, and that i was gonna stay in Dallas another week. But reality had to set in sometime i guess. The kid and I got up early the next morning and made the 8 hour trip back to LV, KS........the home of 6 jails. Hooray.

But our road trip was amazing......i think the kid fell in love with Texas, and i fell in love all over again. I love that place, and the people. Sure, they have the whole "bigger and better" complex, but most Texans i know are pretty humble about it, and very hospitable. They make you feel like you're at home.....and it was.....at least for another week.
I'd love for anyone who reads this to pray for me, and my future. Spending an incredible week like this in such a great place really makes me consider what i am going to do
Me and my boo (yeah.....its a counsellor thing)
next year. God has blessed me with two incredible options to either intern in Leavenworth, or in College Station, TX, which are both as equally appealing, and i am torn to decide where i should go. I know that God has a great plan for my life, and that wherever i choose, i will strive to do His will. But i'd ask that you help me in praying for that decision which could be so crucial for my future.

~Lord, you can have all of me, right now, in this place. None of what I am is hidden from You. Do with me what You will. You know all me, and i want to be with You always. Guide me on Your path Father.....to where You would have me. Amen~

The Kid, my bro, Jakey poo.....be prayin for him too. God loves him, and so do I.

You've got to learn how to die before you learn how to live

2005-12-08T10:39:00.001-06:00

I woke up at 10 am this morning.

That is the first time ive done that in about 6 months, and usually when something happens that hasn't for a while you get to thinking. Why did i decide to wake up so late? Usually i get up early each morning to pray, get into some Word, do some worship or go to class ( going to school IS important!). But today, the snow covered plains of Kansas prevented my class from happnening, so i was given a free morning.....but why not get up and spend some time with my Daddy?

I got on my computer and started listening to Luke's audioblog at our youth site (x-tremefaith.blogspot.com). He was talking about getting our lives focused back on God, and rembering Christ during this time of year where everyone seems to forget His name is actually in the season: Christmas. Had i also forgotten this?

These past couple of weeks have been particularly rough for me. I have had an incredible amount of homework that would probably rival most Ph.D's (maybe not). I haven't been getting a whole lot of sleep as ive been landscaping my mountain of work. But the biggest thing that's been on my mind is basketball.

Basketball is the thing that has followed me my whole life. Ever since i was 6 i have been basketball crazy. I can remember the day when my mum bought me my first basketball, and when it went flat after i had dribbled for only a couple of minutes......i cried! I remember the day that i was picked to play in an under 14's regional team when i was only 9.....one of the happiest days of my life. I remember when i was 15 and ready to quit basketball and i asked God that if he wanted me to keep playing that he would grant me an oppurtunity to really play for Him, and that i would devote whatever i did in basketball to His kingdom. Basketball has brought me halfway across the world, allowed me to play infront of thousands of people and has formed me into a devoted and intense athlete.

But recently (the past 4 years), basketball has hit me with the rough end of the stick. I've been stuck in some situations where basketball has been less desirable, mainly because of the relationships i had with my coaches. I've felt that they haven't had the same passion and commitment i've had to the game, and as a result....i've became angry. I've turned into a different person on the basketball court. A friend of mine who had never seen me play before just recently came to a game and couldn't recognize me. My teamates have said i've looked scarey when i get mad on the court, and that they wouldn't try to mess with me.

This season i have been particularly angry. The level of basketball is considerably lower than what im used to and the conditions that which I'm playing can only be described as unprofessional. From the coaching staff, to the practices, to the games. I guess im saying, i could do a lot better...............................see.........this is the stuff i think about........the stuff that gets me mad........that causes me to wake up at 10am...........that takes my focus away from God.
I've been trying my hardest to recenter my focus, but to no avail. I'll have a couple of games where ill push all my anger and frustration under the rug, only for it to resurface greater at some point.

After listening to Luke's audioblog this morning and thinking about how my own focus has been lost (on Him), i began to remember all the times that i tried to imagine my life without basketball........i could never do it without feeling terrible. The fact is, basketball has been something that i've always had, and that i've never been able to give up. I can't remember how many times i've prayed and ask God to rid my life of all the things that get between me and Him, and can you believe that it was only this morning......before i started writing this blog.....that i've finally realized what that is.

I believe now that God brought me half way across the world to show me how much basketball could come between me and Him. I have failed to give it up to Him. Althought, i've realized that giving basketball up, and giving basketball up to Him is completely different. I'm sure that if my scholarship would have allowed it, i would have bowed out of this basketball season a long time ago, but since it hasn't, i've had to endure basketball as undesirable as i've ever experienced it.......for myself? No..........for my team? No.......for my coaches? Definately not!...........for Him? Yes Lord........I accept......and i will endure for you.

Paul says in Romans that we can rejoice in our sufferings for we know that God is moving. I've never been able to understand this untill now. I can't tell you how aggrivating and disappointing going to practices and games has become for me......but i can see how God is moving through this. He is teaching me to die to basketball, so that i may live more in Him.

Is this easy now? Definately not.....My body is still wired to get angry and upset everytime i see something i don't like on the basketball court. But Daddy God, i ask you to cut these wires.....i thank you for your patience with me and ask that one day, i may fully let go of this other personality that i have created....may i be able to live only for you in every situation. May i let go.......may i let go.....may i die to this for You. Thank you Dad. Amen.

We all make a difference

2005-12-01T11:07:00.000-06:00

So by now your thinking...."What!?!?! It's not possible!!! Bob is posting twice in one day!?!?! Christ's return must be soon!!! OK......well, maybe the last part was an over haul.....but lets face it. This post is much more interesting than todays previous post.

I got this in an email today, and it just really reminded me of how much all of us make a difference in this world, regardless of whether we get recognized or see a change. We are all part of God's purpose and plan, and He uses us (whether we like it or not) because He loves us so much.

~Father I praise you for using me in ways that i will never know or understand. I hope that you continue to use me for Your glory, whether i see it or not. Make me Your tool to sharpen the swords of Your kingdom. Continue to teach me and forgive me in all that I do. I love you Lord. Amen~

Charles Schultz Philosophy

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read through, and you'll get the point.
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." (Charles Schultz) ----- True that!!! My parents live in the future!!!!

My Leadership Style

2005-12-01T08:44:00.000-06:00

Another day.....another paper, such is the college life. This weekend i will be putting the finishing touches to a paper on "The pastoral care of homosexual persons". Sounds like a mouthful....you should try writing on it!! Anyway, i'm not complaining, it really is a blessing to be able to research stuff you're interested in and get a degree out of it, and hopefully a job. God's got all that figured out though i'm sure.

Anyway, i had to write about what my leadership style was like.....see what you think. Am i telling the truth? Or am i just pipe dreaming? God Bless all of ya!
______________________________________________________

My leadership style is an eclectic mix of all the different definitions and categories that have been provided by the text, but also include a couple that haven’t been mentioned. I think the most unique part of my leadership style is the fact that I don’t like being recognized as the leader. I would much rather lead from a position where the glory cannot be pinpointed to me. I am more than willing to take the criticism and responsibility of a leadership position, but when the accolades are handed out, I would prefer them to be spread among the people that were involved in getting the job done.
I believe that this comes out of my desire to be a servant leader, the leadership style that Jesus taught us. I enjoy serving others and believe that it is a powerful leadership style. I think that this can be a hard way to lead in a society that expects something in return once they have served. I loathe this fact, yet understand when people are skeptical when something is done for them out of love. I believe to be a true servant leader, one must have a mission to love agapically, and serve with endurance and patience. Although all leaders want to see improvements and growth, servant leaders must understand that this will take time, as others need to believe they are capable of this before it actually happens. This can only be done by agapic and patient servant leadership.
When it comes to decision making, the best category I have seen that describes myself is consultative leadership. I like to hear the input of the group and base my decision on what the understanding of the group (not necessarily the majority). I would prefer, however, to learn a more empowering style of leadership, which motivates the group as a whole to come to a collaborative decision. I believe that both of these attributes of decision making, as well as authoritative, are important for all good leaders to posses.
As far as leadership moulds go, I don’t really fit into one exclusively. I would say my leadership style is reflective of a strong mix of entrepreneurial and purposeful and a weak mix of authoritative and crisis. I am committed to do the work done but have not found an organization to be strongly committed to. I enjoy change and taking risks, but I am also very goal orientated. I am not extremely systematic but I do analyze things very carefully and closely. I also see the importance in giving orders when needed, yet know when a less demanding leadership style needs to be taken, and when brushfires need to be put out.
Overall, my leadership style is a combination of many different leadership aspects, with a focus on serving. I don’t believe you are able to lead without serving, for there would be no respect, trust or motivation on the part of those being lead. A leader must prove that they are willing to work and do something for their group, and servanthood must be a part of this.

"Morrieisms"

2005-11-29T00:00:00.000-06:00

So in my Psychology class on againg we have been watching a movie called "Tuesdays with Morrie". Its an excellent film! It stars Jack Lemmon and Hank Azaria, and is based upon a best selling book of the same title. It is the story of a retired college professor (Morrie Schwartz) that is dying of ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease), who has inspired a past student of his (Mitch Albom) to write and record his philosophies on life, loving and learning. It is an amazing story, and i would recommend the book or the movie to anyone. Mitch Albom is the author, and he recently came out with a book called "The Five People You Meet in Heaven".....im kinda interested in that one too.

Anyway, in the movie.....our main character has certain epiphonal (is that a word?) moments, and comes up with some brilliant statements...or "Morrieisms". I had to reflect about them in a paper this week, so i thought id share.....since i have no time to update! Hope you enjoy! God Bless

"Life is a tension of opposites – pulling you back and forth like a rubber band"
The idea that life is pulling you back and forth, stretching you from end to end, and snapping you back into place, really resonates with me. Some days we may feeling like we aren’t being stretched at all and life is going fine. We are happy in our inflexibility, in our state of motionless inertia, enjoying the comfortableness of knowing we don’t have to change. Yet life is not like that in Morrie’s mind, nor is it in reality. Reality stretches our rubber band so thin that we feel we are going to break sometimes. We certainly don’t enjoy being stretched that far, but it always leaves us more flexible, knowledgeable and experienced. Morrie lived his life knowing he would be pulled back and forth, yet relished it rather than regretting it. The realization that life will continue to do this until we die can only help us in preparing for and dealing with the ‘tugs’ we will face in the future.

"Love always wins"
This statement is so simple yet so profound. Our bodies are wired in such a way that it makes it almost too easy for us to respond to moments of conflict, anxiety and stress with fear. Yet fear can present itself in so many ways: anger, frustration, retaliation, revenge, etc. Morrie’s statement is advice to approach every situation that might causes us to question, with one act: love. Love is also expressed and presented in many different ways: openness, kindness, self-control, generosity, etc. One could almost argue that all conflicts, arguments and even wars come to resolution one the basis of love. Yet in our daily lives this can also be applicable. To every situation, one can respond in anyway we choose; will we decide to let our instincts and emotions drive our reactions, or will we choose to respond in love?

"If you’re in bed you’re dead"
I have a story that will help illustrate this point for me, and hopefully you! I came home from church on Sunday feeling just generally inadequate. The service had been great however: the worship was inspiring, the sermon was very applicable and the fellowship was excellent. Yet I came home feeling like I’d been thrown in a ditch; wish I could explain it. So, I decided my only remedy was to get some sleep and forget about everything for a couple of hours. I prayed before my nap that God would send me a dream to help inspire me for the rest of the day and get me back on track; that didn’t happen. Instead, my sleep got interrupted by a phone call (someone needing a key to the church), and later by an unexpected visitor that wanted someone to talk to. My plan for forgetting never worked, and God showed me how true this Morrieism really is. He knew a nap, or a dream wasn’t going to solve my issue of inadequacy, but life would. Sometimes a short nap can help you relax and catch up on some much needed rest, but that was not my problem on Sunday. I needed to feel the reins on the horse of liberation, and ride unrestrained in the field of life. OK……so, I went a little overboard on my story, but Morrie’s statement ties it all in perfectly. I wasn’t living by sleeping through my issue, I was stuck in Dr. Suess’s “waiting place”. Thankfully, God pulled me out!

"There is nothing innately shameful of being dependent"
This Morrieism has been reinforced for me by my meetings with Sr. Marie Carmel. She has an incredible outlook on the way that she ages, and has fully realized and accepted that there are now and will also be in the future, things that she will be incapable of doing by herself. She once said that “when you’ve lost enough, the doing is no longer important, it is the being that is”. She is the kind of person that looks at the idea of dependency as another opportunity to explore the freedom in her limitations. She is the one that tries to stretch the rubber band when life decides not to stretch it anymore. Although there are times where she feels the need to be independent in doing certain things, she doesn’t wallow in the times she is dependant, yet looks for an opportunity to develop something new in her life. For her dependency is not a matter of shame, it is a matter of growth. Morrie’s physical inabilities didn’t allow him to do the things he wanted to do, yet it never diminished his ability to love. He strived for that in his dependence, and was not reduced by pride even in his final days.

"Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live"
In Morrie’s case, he had learnt how to deal with death and the process of dying physically; therefore he could live courageously in the realization that one day he would be gone. Yet this statement can be applied in so many ways. We don’t need only to learn how to die physically in order to live, but also materially. I have a t-shirt I picked up from a concert once from a band named “Die to Self”. I feel that sometimes we really need to do that in order to live. Feelings of selfishness, inadequacy, self-pity and even self-glorification will give us as much short term relief as a cigarette. Paul, a one-time Christian persecutor turned deliverer of God’s word said this to the Christians in Rome: “Our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. For when we died in Christ we were set free from the power of sin. And since we died with Christ we will also share his new life.” (6:6-8). I believe we all have the opportunity to ‘die’ to the things in our life that bring us down and we don’t have to do it alone. Dying to ourselves and dedicating our lives to a man that dedicated His death to our burdens gives us life. Morrie’s statement speaks to this not only on a physical level but also on a spiritual level.

Elijah's Jug is filled with prayer

2005-11-07T07:24:00.000-06:00

1 Kings 19:1-8
Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, "May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them."
Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day's journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. "I have had enough, LORD," he said. "Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors." Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, "Get up and eat." He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals, and a jug of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.
The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, "Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you." 8 So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God.

One day last week in Old Testament (class) i opened my Bible to find a verse that we were reading, when i stumbled across a page that had not been closed properly. It was all folded up, and crunched between the other pages (probably just from not taking enough care of my Bible!). Anyway, a page like that always stops and make you think "Hmmm, i bet God had something in mind for me on that page". I don't even think i stopped to read what was on it; but i unfolded the page and placed it neatly as i went to the verse i was looking for.

Last night, i was doing some reading for a class and read about this idea that, it is not enough to know where we should be going in life; but how we must question our heart, energy and will power in order to sustain us on our way there. I might have some assurance that i'm on the right path....but that's not enough. It also requires that I am able to continually find and drink from "Elijah's Jug"; or in Ronald Rolheiser's words: "the sustenance that God promised to provide to those who are walking the long road toward the divine mountain".

Sure enough, when i looked up the passage associated with this curious metaphor of Elijah's jug, i landed at 1Kings 19:1-8.......the same page that had been crumpled in my bible a couple of days ago.

Literally and spiritually I had found Elijah's jug! It was just what i needed to hear. With my busy schedule, and just basic calamity (sorry only word i could think of....probably not accurate!) of my life in general, i had found strength from that passage and from God's promise. It's awesome when He works like that!

But i got a lot more out of it than i expected. After reading some more out of Rolheiser's book (The Holy Longing......a great one if ever you want to get it), I got the conviction that the answer to all my problems, and the problems of most Christians is.................get ready for it......................private prayer!

Ewww, how does that one stick to ya? I was thinking about what private prayer is to me, and there is one thing i think i can honestly compare it too......cafeteria food! Anyone that has eaten the food here at Saint Mary's will tell you that it's pretty gross.....somewhat sub-par. Somedays you can walk in there starving, take one sniff of the kitchen and completely lose your appetite. Other days, (once in every 4 weeks....maybe), the food is incredible and you come out feeling like you've eaten like a king! I guess it's the same way for me in my time apart with God in prayer.....its just not appealing.....and sometimes i feel like im getting nothing out of it....and yes...that is most of the time! (Shock horror!).

A Christian writer, Henri Nouwen, puts it really well:

[My time apart is not a time]....of deep prayer, nor a time in which I experience a special closeness to God; it is not a period of serious attentiveness to the divine mysteries. I wish it were! On the contrary, it is full of distractions, inner restlessness, sleepiness, confusion, and boredom. It seldom, if ever pleases my senses. But the simple fact of being for one hour in the presence of the Lord and of showing him all that i feel think, sense and experience, without trying to hide anything, must please him. Somehow, somewhere, I know that he loves me, even though i do not feel that love as I can feel as a human embrace, even though i do not hear a voice as I hear human words of consolation, even though I do not see a smile, as I can see in a human face. Still God speaks to me, looks at me, and embraces me there, where I am still unable to notice it.

Just like the food at the cafeteria, even if i don't have an appetite for it, i still have to eat it, because i know that if i don't i will go hungry the rest of the day; basketball practice will be tough, and my body will probably collapse from lack of energy.....eventually. It's the same way with private prayer. Sometimes i can't feel what prayer is doing for me, or if God is really there, or if what I am saying to God is making any sense. But somehow, that prayer is filling me up, feeding my soul, and giving it energy.....just like the food at the cafeteria.

Still, with all that being said, private prayer can be really hard. Its not easy to take an hour out of your day and devote it to yourself, let alone God. I think, however, that private prayer is easier than we think. Praying is not an isolated activity; it takes place in the midst of all the things and affars that keep us active. In prayer a "self centered monologue" becomes a "God -centered dialogue".

Private prayer doesn't have to be sitting in a room by yourself, on your knees with your hands held together. Private prayer can happen when you're walking to class, talking to friends, thinking about life or playing sports! You might want to ask yourself, how often when i'm doing these things (pretty much just living life in general) do i dedicate my actions to God and the purpose of seeking His will? How often when you are catching up with friends and are talking with them do you think, "I wonder what Jesus might have said there". Just the act of thinking this is a form of private prayer.....it is time spent apart from our world to focus on the Spirit-lead actions that we are all consumed by, in being a Christian.

OK, so before i really do go and write a book of what i've been feeling today, i want to offer a simple prayer for myself, and any of you that maybe be needing a sip from Elijah's Jug.

~Lord, i praise you for allowing me today realize the need i have for you. Father, i cannot do this alone. My life is full of stuff that i have no control over and sometimes i feel guilty that i do not give enough of my time to you. I petition to you, for me....and for all who are reading this, that we may be as dedicated as Elijah in seeking out Your will for our lives, and that in our stress we may find ourselves collapsed by a tree with you waiting to give us bread and water to sustain us for our long journey ahead towards you. We praise you Father. Thank you for sending your Son for us. Please help us this day. In Christ's name. Amen~

I Surrender....all to you....all to you

2005-10-28T12:30:00.000-05:00

Thanks Courtney for the prayer.....it helped a lot.....

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God, to a Christian, says:

No, not until you are satisfied with living loved by me alone and have an intensely personal unique relationship with me alone.

I love you my child and until you discover that only in me is your satisfaction,

You will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.

I want you to stop planning, stop wanting and allow me to bring it to you

- Just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things -

-Keep experiencing that satisfactions, knowing that I am -

Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you.

You must wait.

Don't be anxious.

Don't worry!

Don't look around at the things others have gotten or what I have given them.

Don't look at the things you want.

Just keep looking to Me or you will miss what I want to show you.

And then when you are ready,

I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would ever dream of.

You see, until you are ready and even this minute to have both of you ready at the same time…

Until you are both satisfied with me and the life I have prepared for you,

You won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me and is thus perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love.

I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me

And to enjoy the everlasting union of beauty and love.

I am God.

Believe and be satisfied.
(1247 St. Anthony)

Waking up with the sun

2005-10-28T07:56:00.000-05:00

For the past 2 weeks or so i've been waking up at about 7:45am every morning.....without fail. I've never been able to understand this, becuase it doesn't matter if i go to bed at 12 or got to bed at 4, i'll wake up....like clockwork at 7:45am. And it doesn't matter whether i've had 7 hours or 4 hours of sleep. I'll get through the day without ever noticing that im tired, or worn out....my body just keeps going.

When i do wake up, i wake up with this fear that my alarm hasn't gone off and i get up quickly to see what time it is. I have to sit up straight in order to see my clock and as soon as I see it...7:45am...i feel disappointed. "Brenton! You knew you set your alarm, why do you keep waking up before it....quit worrying you'll be late for class!"

But almost everymorning this week, when i've sat up to check my alarm, i look out my window, and there it is....the sun has just poked its head over the tree line. Its almost a blood red color, but as it rises turns to yellow, and the skyline on the horizon changes colors with it, almost mimicking it.

I don't know why this story is important, or what it means, and i still can't figure out why i wake up at 7:45 everymorning. Maybe a humble reader may be able to explain this phenomenon to me, or maybe just writing about it will clear it from my mind and allow me.....and the sun.....to get some rest....we're both very busy.

Shunned and despised, but still going

2005-10-26T09:44:00.000-05:00

So i realize that there are now only two people that read my blog, and all they do is complain about how much i dont update (hehehe just kidding guys.....i love you!). But here goes...the next post.

Life sure has taken a twisted turn in the last couple of weeks. Who will ever understand the plans God has for us? Sometimes i wish i could be Solomon for a day and just have God ask me what ever i wanted. Ahhh the possibilities......I think Solomon had the right idea though. Wisdom can be defined as “expert-level knowledge in the fundamental pragmatics of life”. Wha? Basically, from my studies, wisdom comes down to 5 things: factual knowledge, knowledge about strategies and procedures, life-span contextualism, relativism and uncertainty. I think if you've got these 5 down, you've got a pretty good grasp on life.

Solomon on the other had was in a real icky situation. He was just a young king that had no idea what he was doing. All he asked for was an understanding mind, and God gave him riches beyond his wildest dreams. Solomon got the understanding mind, and all the mooolah he could ask for, but he still messed up. He still made mistakes and was even at some points unwise. Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines!!! I'd be happy to just handle one girlfriend! And talk about understanding mind.....imagine what the wives went through! Scriptures say that God had warned Him against intermarrying, yet Solomon "insisted on loving them".

Man....that's a powerful piece of scripture for me. Last week i really just insisted on loving my ex-girlfriend, Hanna. I have insisted on having her in my life, where it seems God is trying to get me to move along. In holding onto her, i am choosing to neglect where God is leading me. Solomon asked God for wisdom, yet continued to seek his own desires. I bet Solomon had a firm grip on the 5 essentials of wisdom, but totally lost track of trying to understand what God wanted for him in his life......that's gotta be true wisdom.

As i've been writing this, i've been listen to a Ben Harper song, which speaks to me is so many ways, but particularly in this situation:
"I would rather be locked to you than live in this pain and misery
They say time will make all this pain go away
But it's time that's taken my tommorrows and turned them into yesterdays
And once again that rising sun is dropping on down
And once again, you my friend, are no where to be found
It's so hard to do, yet so easy to say
But sometimes, sometimes, you just have to walk away"
-Walk Away, Ben Harper.

There have been so many times in my life, where i've just tried to hold on to things that have brought me comfort and happiness, and haven't realized that i've been walking away from God. The fact is, a time like this may probably happen again, and i will fail to give it up to the Lord because of the pain. I'll fail to even try and understand where God is taking me, and i'll suffer....again.

But this story doesn't have a bad ending. Even though it took me a long time to understand, and took a couple of people to push me forward, i had a breakthrough last friday. I was talking with Sister Marie Carmel, a very wise lady, and she gave me a very good piece of advice. I can't even really expalin how she said it. But, she in affect just advised me to tell Hanna that i still cared for her and would be there for her, but that i shouldn't try and contact her for a while so that i could move on. Even though this still seemed harsh, it made a lot of sense to me. And yeah....i know....about a thousand people told me to do that already! I think stubborness just runs in my blood.....hate using that as an excuse though.

Since then, my heart really has felt free again. I haven't spent a lot of time in prayer about it, but God has been slowly and gracefully breaking all the attachments of my heart and joining them to Him in trust. I really don't know, or will probably ever understand where this relationship in the last two months of my life fits into the plan God has in my life, but that wont stop me from trying to. I pray that i can be wise in that aspect.

So what else is going on in my life.....i'll make it short. I'm now the president of the City of Dorkville (facebook group), getting my hair braided tonight (will post some pictures), haven't shaved in about 3 weeks and my foot is messed up (basketball injury). I know you're thinking identity crisis....but it's really not. By next week my hair will be cut, and i'll be back to good old, Brenton, Bob, BJ....whoever i am (ok.....maybe i do have an identity crisis)

~God....thank you for being you. Thanks for helping me become me....again. Amen~

Thoughts

2005-10-10T10:06:00.000-05:00

So i need to write down how I'm feeling right now, so i can remember that through the hard times there is still God. Usually i'd write this in a journal but for now i think i want everyone to hear.

We will never fully understand the ways in which He works, and we will have the hardest time sitting and wondering whether it is Him acting in our lives, or if it is some other force, maybe our own, that is pulling our life in a certain direction. Scripture is always the constant to fall back on, and reading it gives such a pretty picture of what life should be like. I want to paint that picture in my own life, but yet i feel like i am looking at my paintbrushes in a glazed stare, not knowing what color to brush first. I look back at my picture and find that it is already beautiful; full of color, hope and excitement.....yet there is something missing. Just a few strokes more and it will be complete; in the back of my mind though, i know it will never be finished; that i will continue to add colors untill this life is over.

I'm constantly wanting more from God, constantly asking where i need to go next to be with Him. And the answers i receive are the same ones i've been getting my whole life. Am i just stuck in a carosel? Am i going around and around the circle of life, experiencing the highs and lows but never getting anywhere? I want my horse to break from its stand and run free into the wonderful circus that is life, and live, change, share God's word and serve. But i'm stuck on this Christian merry-go-round that excludes me from this world. People look up to me, rather than at me. They see me on this high and fantastic ride that goes up and down, thats bright and colorful to them, yet for me it goes round and round and doesn't stop.

Don't get me wrong, I am set apart as a Christian. I don't want to be one of the crowd; but i want to be among the crowd. I want to use the skills God has blessed me with, in such a way that i can relate to those I love; walk with them and not be stuck on a horse. Does that make any sense? Or as Christians are we supposed to uphold this stature of virtue and character?

Through all of this I see a loving God. One that forgives me when i don't trust Him. One that picks me up when i have nothing left. One that listens to me when I ignore Him. Whether I'm painting a picture or on a circus ride through life, He is there no matter want. He is in the bristles of the paintbrush, in the woodchips of the carosel horse and in the faces of all the people i see each day. Lord, may I love you in all these places; not see how i can impress others, but how i can love them, be among them....your creation.

I remember.......Father

2005-09-16T01:27:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone,

Sorry....i know i haven't updated in a while, but God just blessed me with a song. Its a rewrite of a Damien Rice song, but it kind of describes how much i want Christ in my life. Well here goes

I remember it well
The first time that I saw
Your power unfold
And mine stopped working

I remember it well
You sat in this chair
You answered the prayer
And time stopped moving

Want you here tonight, want you here
Coz i can't believe that I'm found
Want you here tonight, want you here
Nothing is taking me down

I remember it well
I walked out in the storm
I was broken and torn
But Your ships were sailing

I remember it well
I was lost and in strife
But Your love, Your love, Your life

Want you here tonight, want you here
Coz i can't believe that I'm found
Want you here tonight, want you here
Nothing is taking me down
Except you my Lord
Except you my Lord

~Lord, you lead me through hard times and bless me with Your grace. Why should i ever doubt that You will not show? Father forgive me for not always completely trusting in You. Your plans are so much better than mine. Break me in which ever way you so chose my Lord. Make me Yours. Amen~

Can I get another AMEN!!!!

2005-08-26T01:10:00.000-05:00

Have you ever sat down at your blog not knowing what to write, but hoping that something good comes out? Well folks, this is one of those times....hope my brain kicks into gear soon.

I guess i should start by talking about what life has dealt to me this past couple of weeks because it has been pretty phenominal. I really don't intend to brag, and by no means am i trying to put anyone down....i really just want to praise Him for all that has happenned. I'm definately experience a wet period (wet being opposite to dry). There were days when i found it hard to count, or even see how God was blessing me, but these days i seem to forget the numerous experinces i have been granted.

Before i continue any further i guess i should say this. God is faithful. Looking back i guess i could count the last few years as a dry spell. I've gone through some rough and depressing personal issues, mainly becuase i felt isolated by my own personality. But He has brought me through that. I've learned to find the person that i am....and maybe starting to learn to love him.

This has been for many a number of factors. A big one was reading a book called Blue Like Jazz, which if you haven't already heard of it, I'm buying it for you. It made me realize many things i should have known but completely forgotten. I really started to feel God's love through reading that book, and came to realize many of my own faults, and ways in which i was holding myself back.

Being with Hanna has also taught me a lot. I don't feel afraid to be myself around her, in fact, she encourages it without knowing. I see in her a lot of what i'm beginning to see in me: comfort in who she is, and love and affection for all. In her, i've gained a life-long friend and partner in Christ. For the longest time i figured that i would go alone in my search, but God is teaching me new things everyday; that we can grow in Him through the companionship of our brothers and sisters in Christ.

I've also been blessed by the oppurtunity to see my family. With my Mum and step-dad coming to visit during the summer, i was once again reminded how important a strong and lasting relationship with your parents is. I miss my family very much, and i gets harder and harder every day we are apart. I want to put so much effort into staying in good contact with them, and never forget how important they are. My brother is also in the US at the moment, staying with one of the coolest girls i know, and who is now offically my "little" sister, Katie. The experience of spending time with the both of them this summer will be one i will never forget. The relationship i had with my brother is slowly turning from one that was based on hate, to one that is now based on love. I really miss being around him and talking to him about his life. He is such an interesting guy, that i learn new things about every time we talk, and am astounded at his love for others. And Kate, i have grown so much with this summer. It truly feels like she has become apart of our family, and continues to bless me and my brother with her incredible patience and humility. I cannot describe how it feels to have a friend like her without talking about her like a family member. It really has been a blessing getting to know her better this summer.

Finally, God has also allowed me to reuinite with some friends from Australia, and has got me looking forward for them visiting. Two of my best friends from home, Jakky and Giuseppe are planning to visit next year, and i am so excited!!! I haven't seen them in a long time, nor had adequate time to sit and talk with them. I've also been able to talk to two other friends, Chris and Kate, with whom i probably haven't spoken to forever, but the conversations have been so meaningful to me, to know that i can still connect with them personally after all this time.

I know this all sounds really cheesy and awfully corny (hmmm those two sounds really good right now), but i am no afraid to attribute all these incredible things in my life to the faithfulness of God. One thing i've learnt more than any other this summer, is that being out of control is incredible. It's better than being on auto-pilot. It's almost like riding first-class and getting served constantly. Every time i've tried to fly the plane it always crashes....but i think i've finally been able to let go of the controls and im allowing God more and more to take over. And it feels like a flight i've never experienced. (Nice move from the food comment to the plane analogy Brenton!).

~Father in heaven, i want to thank you and praise you more as each day passes. You guide me with your likght and lead me out of darkness in an unpredictable way. You are so faithful. I pray that my family and friends can come to know what you have already done for them; given them a way, a truth and a life. Lord continue to take the controls form my hands. Allow my will to be formed with Yours, and may i never cease in praising you every day of my life. Amen~
Photo section
OK, so i know my arm looks like a dead fish. But i really have enjoyed hangin out with my bro (Jake, for those who don't know). I can only hope he been able to put up with my dorkiness this week!

Being able to hang out with Katie, Kristen and Lance last week was also a real blessing. Definately missin the good old days back in Highland. Manhattan is still pretty cool though!!

By far some of the best icecream i've ever had. Coldstone rocks! (For the record......its a salmon polo, not pink!)

I really cannot say enough about Hanna. I love that we can be dorks together. God has blessed me with an incredible person to grow closer to Him with. I learn new things from her everyday, and she reminds me of how real our relationship is to Christ.

Finding happiness

2005-08-12T01:51:00.000-05:00

So a lot has happenned since the last entry. Not only is summer almost over, but my life has changed in a way i would never expect. I loved the experience of camp very much, and the memories and character building that i experienced during this time was incredible. But i also have to shed light; for those who still bother to read this; the biggest change in my life: Hanna Broussard.

Yes, I indeed have a girlfriend, but to even call her that doesn't seem to do what we have justice. By now you may be thinking, "Wow Brenton has gone off his rocker, and found a camp girlfriend and is going to attempt to make it work". But trust me, this relationship is different from every other one i have been involved with due to one simple fact: it's not about me........or her. Now you probably think i've really gone crazy, but to me, this relationship couldn't have gone any other way.

Yes, Hanna and I did meet at camp, and we did have a short courting time, but we both realized very quickly that we weren't seeking each other through our interactions. We were both seeking God. For some reason, we discovered that our feelings for each other were not directed toward building a relationship based on us, but based on Him. We are both at a point in our lives where we need more of His presence, and the fact that we live apart (yes, she goes to school in texas) gives us more of a chance to do that. I have never found someone that has allowed me to realize what i want more out my own life, than by looking at hers. It's almost like God reveals more of His plan for me through her.

Sure this sounds corny, silly, or maybe even too good to be true. And by now whoever is reading this is probably still hung up on the distance part. The fact is, that if i tried to explained to you how this relationship fits into my life, i could never rationalize it for you. It's completely a God thing. I feel like, i've been out of control throughout this whole experience.......and i love what is happenning to me! I feel like i'm laughing different, i smile more, i'm slower to get angry.....and this is not just because of her, but because of what God is doing through us.

The fact is, is that God has placed us together in our walk towards him. Whether we will be walking together the whole time is up to Him. But what He is doing right now is really exciting the both of us, and we are overjoyed in what He has provided us through each other. She makes me happier than i think i've ever been in my life, because i know that we are both focused on the same thing. For me this is finding happiness. It's another one of those blessings i don't deserve, but God's grace has sufficiently covered.

I understand that being apart is going to be hard for me and for her, and even my situation as an international is also going to be an issue. But for the first time i've been in the U.S., I'm not worried about it......i'm even excited about it. We have planned so many ways to keep us focused on God, and we have realized that finding love for each other can only be found through Him. Maybe this distance thing will be rough, but it will teach us to rely more on Him and less on each other.

I'm amazed at Hanna's love for the Lord, and how focused she is on building that relationship with Him. I just feel blessed and honored that God has chosen me to be a part of that journey, and even more amazed that God has placed her in mine. I feel like i could type forever on this......fact is i haven't even told the story about how her and I met and that would take forever. I'd love to tell that story to anyone that is interested, but even with that story, i don't think that it could explain to you how much she means to me. I've never been in a relationship where i have been solely focused on building a relationship on God and not about just building a relationship. It's like i am more excited for her to know the Lord more than i am about her knowing me. And the fact that she feels the same way makes me feel like distance will never be an issue......even though it will.

Well before i go on......i'll let you marinate on the confusion that this entry has probably caused many of you. But all i can say through all this, is that i am happy......like i never have been before.....and i can't wait to see where God is moving next.

Get it out there

2005-07-27T17:34:00.000-05:00

So I guess i just have stuff to say. Don't know what. But i'm just putting it out there. I feel like i should update everyone on how i've been doing on this site, but i think once in a while i might just throw in random thoughts to offset my brain. Hope it doesn't scare anyone.

So, God has been incredible lately. The last 4 nights here at camp i've either spent time in worship, time in fellowship, or time ministering. Three incredible oppurtunities to serve Him and i feel blessed with that. I've also been spending a lot of time reading. I've been getting into Galatians and Ephesians which have been really feuling my soul. I'm also reading a book called Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, which is incredible btw. I think im going to buy the book for a couple of friends. Basically, that book has just inspired me to think and reflect more. It offers a lot of random experiences and conversations that he places in a crazy order that makes you think about your place in the world and what God has to do with it.

I say this a lot, but i think my life is just getting started. I think i'm finally starting to find my place in the world. For some time i think i was suffering from an identity crisis, and i think, that i probably will for the rest of my life. But at least at this point i think im getting a grasp of who i am. Next week could be different though....whole new set of days. Im at the point where i feel confident about being me and not having to fit in or please everyone. A part of me still wants to get that feeling of gratification that everyone i know likes me. But now i just don't seem to care. Cinicism you might say? I don't see it like that. I see it as a point where i i'm fine with myself and i'm not afraid to show that person before others.

I know it sounds like i'm writing to a psychologist, and that i've just had a self-esteem break through, but for me its more than that. I think that this is the first time in my life that i am not afraid to dissapoint people for just being me. I don't feel awkward when i'm telling people that my life revolves around Christ and how He saved me.

I still feel helpless however when i try and explain Christ to a non believer. Here comes the analogy: I'm the non-magician that knows how to pull off the greatest magic trick the world has seen. I can perform the magic trick to my own and others amazement, but i can't explain how i do it. I don't even know how it works. All i know is that i understand it, and that it looks incredible. I could tell you how to move your hands and body and what objects need to be moved at certain times to make the trick work, but i have no control over how it happens and at times i feel confused by it all. But the greatest part about this trick, and to my own ignorance i often forget, that it is not an illusion but that the magic is actually real and that im really not performing the trick at all. It has decided to let me understand it and somehow show it to others.

How do you explain Christ to others? I don't know.......and i want to be a minister? Scarey? Never......God is not an easy thing to comprehend and we often fall in times of doubt and confusion and thats OK (I think i've finally worked that out). All i need to remember is that He is real. I can see it anytime i want......It's not an illusion.....it's real. And i can't praise God enough to why i understand that. I just wish there was an easy way to show others that its a heart thing. It's just another door that needs to be opened.

~Praise you God for being You. For whoever, wherever and all that You are and do. I may not completely understand you. But i know you are there and real, and that one day.....i will know.

Thank God for Family

2005-07-18T11:42:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm back from my one week off from camp, and i sure needed it. Not only for time off, but for the time spent with my mum and stepdad, who i hadn't seen in almost a year. It was so good to catch up with the both of you and just having you around. I miss those times, and im jealous of all people who get to spend consistent time with their families. It is definately a blessing that is too short to take for granted.

For those that don't know, after term 2 ended at camp. I had a week off before the start of third term which started yesterday. My mum and Dave (my step dad) came up to visit from Australia and we spent three days in Las Vegas before heading to Kansas for the rest of the week. Vegas was definately an experience. If you can see through all the gambling and over accentuated sex appeal that a town like vegas offers, you definately marvel at the incredible minds God has placed within mankind to build and invent such amazing towers, buildings, rollercoasters and light displays. We spent a fantastic three days in Las Vegas and i got to grow closer to my family during that time.

The next four days were even better. I got to take mum and Dave back to Kansas, the place where i have definately done a lot of growing up and learnt so much from so many different people. I got to introduce them to my "extended" family and take them to all the places i'd been to school. It was a great time for them to thank all those who had helped me so much. To all those that got to meet my parents, thank you for showing your appreciation for my family, and know that i consider all of you a part of my family. They couldn't thank you enough for all you have done.

And so camp starts back up again.........Third and final term, and i have to admit im running low on energy. I have a feeling that the campers in our cabin this time aren't going to be as exciting as the last term, but i've heard some amazing stories about these guys and one in particular, Trey, who has been longing to become a Christian. I was talking to one of the division leaders yesterday about him and he is fired up about winning him over for Christ. We're apparently not allowed to talk about religion, or as they told us at orientation: "no conversions". But a lot of the guys here at camp are taking the "well if i get fired.....i get fired" policy on that one, and i'm longing to do the same. I've never held myself back in talking to people about Christ, but i want to be completely open and unashamed this term. I just pray that my energy levels don't interfere with what God has planned for these campers.

~Lord if i may only plant a seed, for it to grow without my watering, I know that by your grace alone you will harvest many passionate believers. May my job be done for your purpose, and may i always keep that at the front of my mind and discern your will. Amen~

Can we sing religious songs......again?

2005-07-06T10:57:00.000-05:00

So this is the final week of term 2 at camp. Its a wierd feeling because in one way i am totally drained and in another way im extremely pumped up. On Saturday ill see my mum and step dad for the first time in about a year, and i can't express how excited i am about that. I just got off the phone with them this morning, and they are counting down the hours. My bro, Jake, is also going to be in Kansas in about a month also, so.....exciting times are ahead. Also, Luke, I'm so pumped that you're even thinking about coming down to visit. You would love camp down here, and especially the Marble Falls area. Can't wait to have you down here bro.

So the title of my blog??? Well it has to do with an incredible oppurtunity that i thought would never present itself. Basically, i have a Jewish kid in my cabin that is infatuated with Christian praise and worship songs!! So much to the point that every spare minute of my day he's asking me to play some for him. He even wants to sing in front of the whole camp! God you are so amazing!!!! You might think that for me this would be a great ministry oppurtunity for me, but to be totally honest i feel so confused about what to do. I'm still trying to discern whether he's just singing to sing songs or whether he's interested in what they're about. We had a talk today about some of the Jewish songs he sings at Temple and how they're all in Hebrew and he hardly understands the meaning. He says that's why he likes Christian songs so much.

~Lord, i praise you for the oppurtunity to worship you infront of my campers every day. But i am helpless in bringing them to you without your help. I lay this all down at Your feet Father. I know you your children to be praising You in your kingdom. May this be part of their preparation and growth for their eternal lives in Your paradise.~

~I also ask Father that you watch over my parents and Katie, and keep them safe on their trips to Las Vegas. Father i ask that this week as I get to spend time with more of my family, that you would bless it and always be present. I'm dying for the oppurtunity for my parents to know you more, and i ask that you would come into their lives in accordance with your will. Allow me to be patient and wise in my decisions this week. I want to praise you in all my actions. Amen.~

Happy Patriotism Day!

2005-07-04T12:20:00.000-05:00

Yes, today is the 4th of July. A lotta patriotism flying around camp, but even better......they played the Australian national anthem over the loudspeaker this morning...i have to say, i almost shed a tear; well not really. But i did sing along, everyone thought i was wierd.

Something i have been getting really fired up about is my future. I know, sounds crazy, usually im so anxious and get stressed as soon as i think about it, but now for some reason im really excited. I have an oppurtunity with my visa to spend a year after I graduate, as an intern......wherever i choose. After talking with some staff people at camp, they have really talked up some big churches and i've looked up a couple that look really interesting. But honestly, i have no idea what oppurtunity might present itself. I might just move back to Australia, and that would be cool. Sure i'll have debt and ill probably be drained from study. But God is so incredible. Through every struggle there has been a triumph. In every time i felt im down to nothing, something happens. To me thats more than just a coincidence. And with the awesome oppurtunities i've had in my life, i can't wait to see what happens next.....even if it sucks!

~Praise you Lord, for those bad times and for the incredible rewards you provide that we are not worthy of.~

Kansas crew, I am so excited to see you again and for all of you to meet my parents. I am going to try and get a hold of all of you to see if we can meet up sometime. But if you feel like I haven't talked to you in a really long time, please get a hold of me and tell me i'm a punk for not talking to you. Then ill make a time for us to meet up next week!! I'll be in Kansas from the 12th through the 16th. I get in on the 12th at 2:14pm on American airlines. So let me know if you have anytime that week, or any ideas of what my family can do.

I'm praying for all of you, that God may move succintly in your lives, and that we may be able to spend some great time together for his glory.

I hate my shell

2005-06-30T11:53:00.000-05:00

I've definately crawled back into it again. But this time i know why. Distractions are the devil's weapon with unlimited ammo. I should have seen it coming. I felt my relationship with the Lord growing so strong and getting more and more intimate. But another test had to barge its way into my life, and i must admit, you succeeded. My shell is cold dark and damp, and is an endless pit of low self esteem, lack of confidence and self doubt. Its ironic that when you can't be yourself you become a piece of everybody else. Lord, from the darkness of my shell, i cry out to You. You are magnificent, you are all powerful and i want to praise you always.

So this picture thing is kinda new, and i don't know how it works. But these are pictures from our last dance. (Sam and I had "dates"!!) And the other one is from our Trojan/Spartan war day. (Sports game day). Anyway, im trying to write a blog and have a conversation at the same time which is not cool. So ill make this a short one. Lord I love you and I am not ashamed.

Is consistency good?

2005-06-27T09:27:00.000-05:00

The reason i ask the question is because that's what i'm missing. Some days i feel spiritually loaded, other days dry. Somedays i feel like i make better friends with my peers, and other days i feel like i make better friends with campers. Somedays i feel like an adult, and other days i feel like a kid. Some of these things i know how to solve, others i don't. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Is it better to be consistent, or live life like a carosel? Or do we really control that at all? Most times i look in the mirror i see a different reflection. One that i recognize, but not similar to the last. My question to you: Is that a good thing? I'm not much for deep thoughts, but that one has really been bugging me lately.

Otherwise, camp life is continuing to be incredible. I definately have my days, but im slowly learning how to correct it. I have my cabin mostly to thank for that. They are an incredible group of guys that continue to inspire me and energize me. The other day we had a really open talk about the bible and about Jesus, from their perspective as Jews and from my perspective as a Christian. The great thing was, we built a stronger relationship as a cabin through that discussion, and i can't praise God enough for these oppurtunities.

My Mum and step-dad are coming to visit in two weeks!!!! I cannot wait, and have been telling just about everyone i can about it. To my Kansas family, i can't wait to show you the relatives! You have been there for me in such a way that you have blessed my life and taken a lot of the worry off both my parents (not that they don't worry anyways!). I can't wait for them meet you and show how much they appreciate what you have done. My Dad and stepmum are also planning to come next year for my graduation!!! So i am blessed to have them come as well. My parents have put up with a lot with me (as i'm sure they'll tell you), but have been so supportive and incredible for all that i have wanted to do. Mum and Dad, I thank you so much for the oppurtunities you have provided me, and through this you have given me a platform to learn so many lessons about life, independantly, that you otherwise could have taught me. Thank you for you selflessness.

~Father in heaven, i praise you above all for the incredible family you have blessed me with here in the US and at home. Your grace has been more than sufficient in my life, and i pray that my family may see just a glimpse of the incredible love you have for them, and that you may bless them with your grace. Amen.~

P.S. Luke, hurry up and blog bro! I haven't heard from ya in a while!!!

God You are Amazing

2005-06-23T12:33:00.000-05:00

~ Father, i give all the glory to you my God.
I praise you fo the incredible day you blessed me with yesterday, and i stand in awe of hoe incredibly faithful you are.
I have seen my life go through so many stages, so many ups and downs, so many triumphs and turmoils.
But now i stand in awe and amazement of how trusting in you can be so rewarding.
I see myself and my energy levels.
Why am i so full and excited about this term, while others are wallowing in their tiredness?
My only explanation is that you have been graceful enough to provide me the energy i need to perform the duties you have lined up for me.
How can i show my friends and family Your awesome power Lord?
How can i show them that all of lifes stuggles and problems can be answered in You?
I mourn for them Father.
I want to see them living the fullest lives they possibly can.
I want them to have security in all that they do.
I want them to see that they cannot find answers in money, music, possesions and worldly things.
You are the answer to all, and there cannot be any other way.
Forgive me for my boasting Lord, but i only want to boast in you.
Praise you, Lord of my life.
I want to worship you in every action and in every breathing moment of my day.
Amen.~

2005-06-22T11:14:00.001-05:00

Torchlighter celebration....always fun

2005-06-22T11:14:00.000-05:00

Me as torchlighter....sorry bout the pic

2005-06-22T11:12:00.000-05:00

Shannon and I doing our song. She ended up singing "Ain't no sunshine"

2005-06-22T11:11:00.001-05:00

The new cabin!!! Cabin 1

2005-06-22T11:11:00.000-05:00

Lay our drills for ultimate Frisbee

2005-06-22T11:10:00.000-05:00

BFF (Best Friends Forever). It was a tatoo he wore one day.

2005-06-22T11:09:00.000-05:00

Boys allstar game......coach Brenton?

2005-06-22T11:08:00.001-05:00

Reading over Lake LBJ

2005-06-22T11:08:00.000-05:00

Sam and I at the school spirit dance. I'm sporting my exchange student high school's practice jersey.

2005-06-22T11:07:00.000-05:00

Flinstone night at the Fillin' Station

Torchlighter!!!

2005-06-21T18:02:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, i was bestowed the honor of being torchlighter at our final activity of the day (torchlight.......how appropriate). I know this will probably mean nothing to any of you, but i thought i should note it, maybe so i can read it over someday. All it really is, is the person that gets to light the torch, kind of olympic style, at the beginning of evening festivities. They make a big deal out of it here. They mostly give it to campers, but yesterday they gave it to a counsellor on both the boys and girls side of camp. It's usually someone that has carried the "spirit of a champion" that day, but there are so many other people who deserve it other than me, that really go unnoticed. I was very honored to receive it, but i don't like the politics involved behind it. Plus i feel like I haven't given all that i have just yet. Anyway, i'll try post a picture of it soon.

*Note: This is for all the X-Faithers* We had the most incredible game of "Potty on your neighbour" last night with our cabin. For those who don't know what that is, it's basically a card game where the person with the lowest card gets a strike, 3 strikes you lose, and face a consequence. Everyone gets one card and you have the option to trade it with the person on your left, and so the game goes in a circle. Anyway, our cabin played last night with our consequence being the loser had to jump in the lake with all their clothes on and rub mud in their hair like shampoo......oh poor Max Kunik. The last round of play, just about everybody had 2 strikes (there was about 13 of us) and by process of cancellation (there's a lot more rules i won't care to explain) he ended up losing. But he took it like a man, and put on a show for the rest of the campers. He pretty much covered himself in mud.....it was hilarious. The thing i liked about it the most, was that it was a great time for Sam and I (my co-counsellor) to build up relationships with our cabin. We really got a fell for how everybody acts, and some of their personality traits. I really feel that God has a strong presence in our cabin. From our game last night came a plethora (sorry bout that word) of conversation the next day, and some of it even involved religion.

~Lord, i ask that you continue to strengthed the bonds we have with our campers and that those relationships will lead to more conversation about you. Father i pray that they may see my every action as an act of worship to you and your Son. You know that these campers long for Your presence in their lives, and i ask that they may see that in accordance with Your will~

I noted in my last blog that this term is mostly full of Jewish campers. Well yesterday i seemed to forget that while i was teaching swimming lessons. I had them tread water to build up endurance for the kilometer swim they have to do at the end of the term. And i thought it would be a good idea to sing some songs while they were doing it, so the first thing i thought of was: "OK guys! It's Christmas time, we're going to be singing some Christmas carols today" Then one little kid bobs his head out of the water and says "But half of us are Jewish". Everybody started laughing, and i have to admit, i did too. I completely forgot that Jews don't celebrate Christmas. So we ended up singing Waltzing Matilda instead. The cool part was that most of the Jewish kids didn't care and got a laugh out of my slip up.

~Father i thank you for the love and the tolerance you have placed inside these campers, and in a way i pray that we can find a way to break down the religious barriers and come together as a whole to worship You, that is pleasing to You. Amen~

New Term, New Faces, New Culture

2005-06-20T11:49:00.000-05:00

Sorry. It's been a long time since i hit the computer....this past week or so has been really busy with the end of first term and the beginning of second term starting. Life has been so crazy, that i've found that i have a lot of reading to catch up on and many people to get in contact with......including my parents eek! Sorry Dad, haven't wished you a happy Father's day yet, but if you read this before i get to ya, know that i was thinking about you on Sunday.

Luke, and the rest of the Leavenworth crew. I've been praying for you guys. You're constantly in the back of my mind and still the greatest youth group i've been apart of. I know that God has some incredible things lined up for us and is working so strongly through all of you. I feel blessed to be a apart of the fellowship we have formed down there, and i hope to be calling you guys soon to check up.

Jana and family, i hope that this weekend went smoothly and joyfully for all of you. To Andrea and Dallas, i've been thinking and praying for you all weekend, and i pray that your wedding this weekend is only the beginning of a beautiful life-long union. To the rest of the people in Highland, i will be seeing you very soon!! I can't wait!

And to all the other incredible people that i have met and become friends with, which are also lucky enough to read this top secret website (whatever), i miss you and i hope to get in touch with you soon.

Lord, bless all who read this and those people that have made such an indelible impact in my life. I understand that you have a purpose for me in many places, but i just ask that that they may know how much i appreciate them and how you have used them to get me where i am today.

So, term 2 has started at camp champions. My hair is longer, my skin is darker, the bags under my eyes have gotten blacker, but im still having the time of my life. This term has a lot of campers from Houston, and also from a predominantly Jewish community. I believe that all but two in my new cabin are Jewish. For me, this is an awesome oppurtunity for me to learn about their culture and more importantly about their beliefs. I've studied about Judaism, but know very little about the culture. I'd love for you to pray for my new cabin that we may be able to form relationships under God's great love.

Letting go of the first term campers was not as hard as i thought. I loved all our guys very much, but was kind of happy to see them move on. A couple of them told me that this was probably the best camp they'd be, and it was awesome to talk to their parents to see how much appreciation they had for us. I praise you Lord, for the success of first term and ask that you watch over the guys as they move back in and move on in the world.

I also enjoyed my time off in between first and second. Even though it was only 18 hours long!!!! We went to a friends lake house and about 20 of us stayed the night and watched a movie and hung out on the lake. I went jetskiing for about half an hour! It was a blast. I worked out that you can flip a jetski if you take a sharp turn and gun it while you're flying at 30 mph!! But i also learned the best part of jetskiing is getting thrown off one!

James 1:22-25 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

~Lord, i long for you word...help me to remember what you have taught me...help me to apply what you have taught me...help me to teach others what you have taught me...I praise you for my friends and family...keep them safe in your grace. Amen.~

Music on the rise

2005-06-15T11:12:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone,

So i figured that i would come to camp and have absolutely no time to either read, or work on playing the guitar. But it seems to have been the other way around. I'm currently reading 2 books at the moment.......at the same time!?!?! Wierd? If you know me, i hardly read a book a year, so this is pretty crazy. And Luke, yes, i'm still keeping up with Scripture......how, i have no clue.

Also, on my off nights, there has been a group of us that gets together and just jams out to different music. We have a guy named Alex who plays the djembe, and a girl named Shannon who has an incredible voice who sings pretty much anything. I play the guitar for the most part. Other people have been jumping in here and there, but all round it has been a great time to build relationships with people.

Shannon asked me the other day to sing a duet with her at counsellor skit night. Yes, be very scared. I have not attempted to let the wild animal that is my voice out of its cage too many times, so this could be interesting. I love the music we're playing, being all secular stuff, mainly because there is a wide diversity of religions at this camp. I tried busting out some Christian music one night, and for the most part people liked it, but i know I made a couple of people uncomfortable. Somehow, i think this is part of my mission as being a Christian, but at the moment i seem to be valuing the relaltionships im building over expressing my beliefs.

Lord, i praise you for giving me enough musical talents to use it as a tool to further your Kingdom. I ask that you guide me with Your Spirit to use the gifts You have blessed me with to help me follow the will you have for my life. Just for the record, i think Shannon wants to sing Volcano by Damien Rice. I might ask her if she wants to do Lean On Me. Any other suggestions?

Our final dance for the term is tonight, and we see our campers off on Friday. It has definately been a journey with our cabin and all of them have grown in some way from being at this camp. Im sure that we will probably not see the fruits of the growth but i pray that they have enjoyed their time here and that they may have seen a glimpse of Christ's love. Im gonna miss them, they've been a great crowd

2005-06-11T14:36:00.000-05:00

Kassie the lifeguard......alien maybe

2005-06-11T14:35:00.000-05:00

Lauren M'am and Laura Ma'm

2005-06-11T14:34:00.001-05:00

Sam and I in our pirate costumes.......don't ask

2005-06-11T14:34:00.000-05:00

Torchlight on Space Pirate Dance Night

2005-06-11T14:33:00.000-05:00

The Pushup Crew of Cabin 2 at Lunch

Drill Sergent Brenton?

2005-06-10T17:35:00.000-05:00

Today's been a wierd day. Many ups and downs, but pretty much just........yeah, one of those days. Last night we had a surprise barbeque for the Aquanaut Division at camp (all the boys that are in my campers age group). The plan was to trick them into thinking that they were in deep trouble, and send them to bed early thinking we were all really upset at them. The plan worked perfectly. We gave them ten minutes to go from torchlight, to being in bed. After they had been asleep for about ten minutes, we woke all of them up and got them to clean the bathroom all together. A lot of them were mad, but after about 5 minutes we turned on the floodlights and blasted the radio, and revealed the prank. I think we stumped all of them, and it was fun to watch. They were still mad, but really happy about the hamburgers and hotdogs we dished out.

During this time i was being kinda self reflective. I knew i had to go back to my campers and make up something to get mad at them at so they would fall asleep. But the thing i realized was is that i've kinda been mad at them the whole time. Well, not really mad or angry, but i've always been quick to jump on them when they step out of line.....and i let them know it. For me, it was kinda hard to fake being mad, because i feel that maybe they just see me as mad all the time, when truly i love all my guys. But still i feel like I'm some kind of drill sergent to them. Am i contradicting myself or making perfect sense?

Anyway this kinda got me thinking about my whole mission here and whether or not i am showing Christ's love to my campers. As i look back on my time with them, is it possible that in some freaky way that they could see the love God has for them through my actions? They see me reading my Bible, they know I'm a Christian, and i hope they see the stuff i do for them. But am i really being the example God has called me to be?

Lord, i know your plans for me are greater than i can understand, and that i will probably not see the the fruits of Your work done through me. But i trust in You to use me however You need me. Sap my energy and use every bit of my strength for the growth of these campers. I pray Father that i am doing Your will, and please help me to understand where you want me next.

Another conclusion i came to is that i need tocontinue to emerse my self in the Word. Even during this blog, i had to stop half way and read my Scripture passage for today before i could continue. I know its anti-climactic for some, but i always seem to find the answers im looking for and the spritual strength i need during those times

God even gave me an "I told ya so!" today: "Why were you searching for me?" he asked. "Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" (Luke 2:49 NIV)
Translation: "Brenton, why do you keep searching for answers to your spiritual dryness? Don't you know you have to be in my presence?"
God, you are glorious in Your workings, continue to teach me in ways i cannot fathom and surprise me everyday with your wisdom.

I want to thank you all again for writing replies. Luke and Jana, thanks for encouraging me to write. I'm blaming the both of you for getting me stuck on this!!! Also, Lindsey, you asked for my camp address so here it is:

Camp Champions
775 Camp Road
Marble Falls, TX 78654

Plus, anybody else that would like to send me camp mail that would be awesome.......my co-counsellor gets one everyday from his girlfriend, so i feel left out.....heheheh just kidding.

Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! OI! OI! OI!

2005-06-08T15:02:00.000-05:00

Well, last night was a special night at Camp Champions. For some unknown reason, the owner of our camp, Steve Baskin, got really excited about teaching "Waltzing Matilda" as a camp song to the whole camp. For the Americans that may not know, Waltzing Matilda is an old Australian folk song, that is loosely regarded as our national anthem. Pity it's about a guy that drowns himself in a billabong! If you would like to read the lyrics you can find them here: http://www.imagesaustralia.com/waltzingmatilda.htm

Anyway, he asked me if i would teach it to the whole camp; and so with the help of a guitarist and a singer, at our final event of the day last night (Torchlight) i got to teach Waltzing Matilda to the whole camp. I think it was my proudest Australian moment since I've been in the states. I guess i didn't do a good enough job though, because i've had a lot of people ask me today what a "Waltzing Matilda" is......i guess im not completely sure myself.

Yesterday was a really great day for me spiritually also. I was reading through Luke's Gospel and came across a verse about Zechariah after he had spoken with an angel in the temple.
Luke 1:21-22
Meanwhile, the people were waiting for Zechariah and wondering why he stayed so long in the temple. When he came out, he could not speak to them. They realized he had seen a vision in the temple, for he kept making signs to them but remained unable to speak.

This passage really spoke to me in the fact that just by Zechariah's actions, they could tell he had received a message from the Lord. It was a good lesson for me to know that to have my vision realized for my campers, i should concentrate more on being an example through my actions rather than my words.

Lord, i praise you for the lessons you teach me everyday, and continue to grow me into the person you want me to be. Help me to make my decisions each day, as i am niave in my wisdom. My i seek your presence more everyday, so that those around me might also see You.

Somehow i've gotta work on making my blogs shorter, because i know i wouldn't have time in the day to read all of this. Thanks to all who have left replies. I will leave my own when i get the time.

2005-06-06T12:39:00.000-05:00

Me and my co-counsellor Sam at Revenge of the Nerds Dance night!

2005-06-06T12:38:00.000-05:00

My campers! Please be praying for them!

2005-06-06T12:37:00.001-05:00

My waiter....also awesome

2005-06-06T12:37:00.000-05:00

My meal in Mexico.....awesome!

2005-06-06T12:36:00.002-05:00

Tourist at the Alamo - San Antonio

2005-06-06T12:36:00.001-05:00

Mmmmmmm......hamburger

2005-06-06T12:36:00.000-05:00

Camp counsellors at Chilis

2005-06-06T12:35:00.001-05:00

Sunset over Lake LBJ

2005-06-06T12:35:00.000-05:00

Our cabin at camp.....not bad hey?

2005-06-06T12:34:00.001-05:00

JC, Shaun and Me - LV Youth Group

2005-06-06T12:34:00.000-05:00

Tim, Me and Ryan - Leavenworth Youth Group

Camp keeps getting better.

2005-06-06T12:21:00.000-05:00

I praise you Lord for Your awesome presence at this camp. It has been an incredible experience thus far, and i am continually amazed at how much you continue to bless me and my campers everyday. I continue to ask for oppurtunities to build relationships with them, and show them Your love.

I had an answer to prayer yesterday, in meeting a bunch of new counsellors and spending some quality time with them. I had an off night last night and went to the LL to hang out (LL is short for Leprosy Lounge. It's the name for the counsellors lounge. Leprosy is just added in there to scare the campers away). Anyway, i took my guitar and i started playing some songs to myself to drawing a crowd of about 20 complete wih a drummer and an excellent singer. I got to have some great conversations with heaps of different people, and even exposed some worship music to non-Christians. Lord, i don't know what Your plans are for me with music, but i trust that they are in your hands.

I've also found it a lot easier to talk to other counsellors this week. I have to admit, ive been a bit shy. I think mostly because ive just been stuck in that "You're the Australian guy" mold. But i think im finally starting to come out of that and people are finally seeing me, and not a crocodile hunting kangaroo boxer!

Im so glad that many of you are checking up on me and reading my blog, to be quite honest i thought this would just be sort of a prayer journal for me, but im really glad that you're writing replys. Everytime i get a chance, ill try and write you all an email. It's really encouraging to hear from all of you, so thanks a lot. I hope you like the photos, if i get some time maybe ill add some more on. Lord, i thank you for my friends and pray that you watch over them and keep them safe this summer.

Time, what is that?

2005-06-01T11:33:00.000-05:00

Well it has been a crazy week to say the least. I've made a trip to Mexico and back, received a great bunch of 13 year old campers, and trying to find my place in an incredible camp. I've been able to teach basketball and lifeguard, but things are only getting started. The boys in my cabin are so well behaved and participate in just about everything, but they seem so spiritually lost.

The kids in my cabin are some of the coolest teenagers i have met. When i was there age i probably would have wanted to hang out with them. But, that's just it, they are so stuck on being cool. I just wish there was a way i could show them that you can be a really 'popular' person, without having to be 'cool'. (BJ's random thought of the day).

Anyway, aside from that, im really psyched about the Christian presence here. There is a group of male counsellors that meets every morning for prayer and reflection. I praise You Lord for those oppurtunities and continue to work in me even though sometimes i am so stubborn and impatient. I ask You for guidance in building relationships with these guys so that these friendships may help further Your kingdom.

Thanks to all of you that read and replied. If you have blogs of your own, id love to have your address so i can check up on how "y'all" are doing! If you don't have one GET ONE! They'e awesome. Kay, im done advertising. Please keep my campers in your prayers, they are a great bunch of guys and i pray that i and the rest of the counsellors are guiding them in the right direction.

First Post

2005-05-22T14:09:00.000-05:00

Gday Y'all!

Im finally in Texas at Camp Champions and im having such an exciting time. I cab't believe how much stuff ive done so far this week, its just been incredible. For those of you that don't know, im working at a Summer Sports Camp, and ill be adding all my info up here, so it saves you from receiving the monster bulk email.

God is doing wonders at this camp, and all my anxieties about finding a good group of Christian guys to hang out with was completely allayed on my way down here. I was so blessed to be able to travel with a guy form Kansas University who turned out to be an awesome man of God and a great friend.

I wish i could write more, but i guess ill only get to write this much every time i can get to a computer, as we're only allowed a few minutes at a time. Ill definately fill you all in on everything thats been happenning in later posts but for now this is about all i can do.

God Bless all of you and i praise You Father, for all the blessings you have bestowed upon me already

2005-03-25T12:25:00.000-06:00

Muscle Women

Me

2004-11-10T13:17:00.000-06:00

1992-02-13T00:30:00.000-06:00