Friday, August 26, 2005

Can I get another AMEN!!!!

Have you ever sat down at your blog not knowing what to write, but hoping that something good comes out? Well folks, this is one of those times....hope my brain kicks into gear soon.

I guess i should start by talking about what life has dealt to me this past couple of weeks because it has been pretty phenominal. I really don't intend to brag, and by no means am i trying to put anyone down....i really just want to praise Him for all that has happenned. I'm definately experience a wet period (wet being opposite to dry). There were days when i found it hard to count, or even see how God was blessing me, but these days i seem to forget the numerous experinces i have been granted.

Before i continue any further i guess i should say this. God is faithful. Looking back i guess i could count the last few years as a dry spell. I've gone through some rough and depressing personal issues, mainly becuase i felt isolated by my own personality. But He has brought me through that. I've learned to find the person that i am....and maybe starting to learn to love him.

This has been for many a number of factors. A big one was reading a book called Blue Like Jazz, which if you haven't already heard of it, I'm buying it for you. It made me realize many things i should have known but completely forgotten. I really started to feel God's love through reading that book, and came to realize many of my own faults, and ways in which i was holding myself back.

Being with Hanna has also taught me a lot. I don't feel afraid to be myself around her, in fact, she encourages it without knowing. I see in her a lot of what i'm beginning to see in me: comfort in who she is, and love and affection for all. In her, i've gained a life-long friend and partner in Christ. For the longest time i figured that i would go alone in my search, but God is teaching me new things everyday; that we can grow in Him through the companionship of our brothers and sisters in Christ.

I've also been blessed by the oppurtunity to see my family. With my Mum and step-dad coming to visit during the summer, i was once again reminded how important a strong and lasting relationship with your parents is. I miss my family very much, and i gets harder and harder every day we are apart. I want to put so much effort into staying in good contact with them, and never forget how important they are. My brother is also in the US at the moment, staying with one of the coolest girls i know, and who is now offically my "little" sister, Katie. The experience of spending time with the both of them this summer will be one i will never forget. The relationship i had with my brother is slowly turning from one that was based on hate, to one that is now based on love. I really miss being around him and talking to him about his life. He is such an interesting guy, that i learn new things about every time we talk, and am astounded at his love for others. And Kate, i have grown so much with this summer. It truly feels like she has become apart of our family, and continues to bless me and my brother with her incredible patience and humility. I cannot describe how it feels to have a friend like her without talking about her like a family member. It really has been a blessing getting to know her better this summer.

Finally, God has also allowed me to reuinite with some friends from Australia, and has got me looking forward for them visiting. Two of my best friends from home, Jakky and Giuseppe are planning to visit next year, and i am so excited!!! I haven't seen them in a long time, nor had adequate time to sit and talk with them. I've also been able to talk to two other friends, Chris and Kate, with whom i probably haven't spoken to forever, but the conversations have been so meaningful to me, to know that i can still connect with them personally after all this time.

I know this all sounds really cheesy and awfully corny (hmmm those two sounds really good right now), but i am no afraid to attribute all these incredible things in my life to the faithfulness of God. One thing i've learnt more than any other this summer, is that being out of control is incredible. It's better than being on auto-pilot. It's almost like riding first-class and getting served constantly. Every time i've tried to fly the plane it always crashes....but i think i've finally been able to let go of the controls and im allowing God more and more to take over. And it feels like a flight i've never experienced. (Nice move from the food comment to the plane analogy Brenton!).

~Father in heaven, i want to thank you and praise you more as each day passes. You guide me with your likght and lead me out of darkness in an unpredictable way. You are so faithful. I pray that my family and friends can come to know what you have already done for them; given them a way, a truth and a life. Lord continue to take the controls form my hands. Allow my will to be formed with Yours, and may i never cease in praising you every day of my life. Amen~
Photo section
OK, so i know my arm looks like a dead fish. But i really have enjoyed hangin out with my bro (Jake, for those who don't know). I can only hope he been able to put up with my dorkiness this week!

Being able to hang out with Katie, Kristen and Lance last week was also a real blessing. Definately missin the good old days back in Highland. Manhattan is still pretty cool though!!

By far some of the best icecream i've ever had. Coldstone rocks! (For the record......its a salmon polo, not pink!)

I really cannot say enough about Hanna. I love that we can be dorks together. God has blessed me with an incredible person to grow closer to Him with. I learn new things from her everyday, and she reminds me of how real our relationship is to Christ.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Finding happiness

So a lot has happenned since the last entry. Not only is summer almost over, but my life has changed in a way i would never expect. I loved the experience of camp very much, and the memories and character building that i experienced during this time was incredible. But i also have to shed light; for those who still bother to read this; the biggest change in my life: Hanna Broussard.

Yes, I indeed have a girlfriend, but to even call her that doesn't seem to do what we have justice. By now you may be thinking, "Wow Brenton has gone off his rocker, and found a camp girlfriend and is going to attempt to make it work". But trust me, this relationship is different from every other one i have been involved with due to one simple fact: it's not about me........or her. Now you probably think i've really gone crazy, but to me, this relationship couldn't have gone any other way.

Yes, Hanna and I did meet at camp, and we did have a short courting time, but we both realized very quickly that we weren't seeking each other through our interactions. We were both seeking God. For some reason, we discovered that our feelings for each other were not directed toward building a relationship based on us, but based on Him. We are both at a point in our lives where we need more of His presence, and the fact that we live apart (yes, she goes to school in texas) gives us more of a chance to do that. I have never found someone that has allowed me to realize what i want more out my own life, than by looking at hers. It's almost like God reveals more of His plan for me through her.

Sure this sounds corny, silly, or maybe even too good to be true. And by now whoever is reading this is probably still hung up on the distance part. The fact is, that if i tried to explained to you how this relationship fits into my life, i could never rationalize it for you. It's completely a God thing. I feel like, i've been out of control throughout this whole experience.......and i love what is happenning to me! I feel like i'm laughing different, i smile more, i'm slower to get angry.....and this is not just because of her, but because of what God is doing through us.

The fact is, is that God has placed us together in our walk towards him. Whether we will be walking together the whole time is up to Him. But what He is doing right now is really exciting the both of us, and we are overjoyed in what He has provided us through each other. She makes me happier than i think i've ever been in my life, because i know that we are both focused on the same thing. For me this is finding happiness. It's another one of those blessings i don't deserve, but God's grace has sufficiently covered.

I understand that being apart is going to be hard for me and for her, and even my situation as an international is also going to be an issue. But for the first time i've been in the U.S., I'm not worried about it......i'm even excited about it. We have planned so many ways to keep us focused on God, and we have realized that finding love for each other can only be found through Him. Maybe this distance thing will be rough, but it will teach us to rely more on Him and less on each other.

I'm amazed at Hanna's love for the Lord, and how focused she is on building that relationship with Him. I just feel blessed and honored that God has chosen me to be a part of that journey, and even more amazed that God has placed her in mine. I feel like i could type forever on this......fact is i haven't even told the story about how her and I met and that would take forever. I'd love to tell that story to anyone that is interested, but even with that story, i don't think that it could explain to you how much she means to me. I've never been in a relationship where i have been solely focused on building a relationship on God and not about just building a relationship. It's like i am more excited for her to know the Lord more than i am about her knowing me. And the fact that she feels the same way makes me feel like distance will never be an issue......even though it will.

Well before i go on......i'll let you marinate on the confusion that this entry has probably caused many of you. But all i can say through all this, is that i am i never have been before.....and i can't wait to see where God is moving next.